Same As It Never Was Origins: Insanity
by YAY Productions
Summary: (Part 1) Donnie thought he had been cured from the secondary mutation but his sanity begs to question that. As he falls apart, his actions drive his family to help him discover himself once again. But is it too late? Has Donatello finally crossed over into the realm of the madmen? (Chapter 24: With monster clawing its way out of Don, he tried to protect what is left of his family.)
1. The Struggle Within

**A/N: Welcome one and all to the first part of Same As It Never Was Origins! For those of you have not read my previous work, you can see this as Good Genes sequel that leads to the world of SAINW, but placed in the 2012 dimension. The only difference is that Donnie was kidnapped by the Kraang, and it was they who mutated him. But, if you have read my stories before, this is the SAINW sequel to The Monster Inside. Don't worry though, the normal sequel to The Monster Inside will be started shortly.**  
**As for some of your questions, yes, I did erase the first two chapters of this that I had already posted. I did not like how they were heading, so I restarted this, and I like the direction that it's in. It's the direction that I was aiming for in the other two chapters, but didn't achieve. Anyways, now onto the story! Also, I don't own TMNT yet, so this is my disclaimer.**

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Same As It Never Was

Part One: Insanity

Chapter One: The Struggle Within

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Donnie stared at his trembling hands. He had awoken to yet again another nightmare, this one just the same as all the others. He could hear the monster's roar, feel its lustful power growing inside of him. Ever since his second mutation he had felt different, out of place. As if he didn't belong. He still felt like the beast, the creature of raw rage. It didn't matter that he had defeated it, it didn't matter that he was finally healing. Physically at least...Master Splinter told him only time could heal his wounds, but how long did he have to wait? How long until his mind would irrevocably be at peace? He couldn't bear the thought of what he had done...the fleeting memories that plagued his mind. He could remember what he didn't want to, and what he did want to, he couldn't. He almost killed his family. He almost destroyed them. The monster wanted their blood on his hands, he wanted to take them out. The terrifying thing was...Donnie had wanted to oblige. He wanted to rid himself of those who always disturbed him, those who did not understand him. If he even dared to open his mouth, the words that came out went above their heads, and they would just stare blankly. They didn't care about the things that excited him. But at least they cared for him...right?

That single question was the problem he couldn't sleep. The thought that they may not care for him, love him, it was too much to bear. But hadn't they sacrificed everything for him? They were willing to risk being discovered by the humans to save him. Because he was one of their own, because he was their brother. He was Splinter's son. They were family. They would always be family.

Or would they? That nagging doubt, that single inquiry. He had always been the different one, the weird one. He had always been smarter than his brothers, and taller too. He had always had a natural curiosity about things that they lacked. Was he truly their brother? Perhaps he should conduct a test...a test would prove it all. He would know once and for all whether or not he was their brother. Whether or not their so called affections were merely actions of the mind, or actions of the heart.

A part of him screamed not to. He told himself it was a bad idea, that it was wrong. That it didn't matter. They were brothers forever, family forever. Hadn't he learned from his time with the Kraang? From his time as a monster? It didn't matter. What he would learn...it could destroy them all. The other side of him though...it viciously roared at him, much like the beast. He had to do it. It didn't matter if it would make it break. At least he would know.

His entire body shook. Why did he have this uncertainty, this unsureness? Why was he so confused? He was Hamato Donatello, it mattered not about anything else. He could not have this insecurity about himself, it was no doubt just a lasting impression from the monster that he once shared this body with. He had to find himself in the mess that had been created, he to reassure himself of who he was. He had to start at one piece at a time. He was a son, a brother. He was a scientist and a ninja, a friend. He was a hero, although very few knew it.

Then why did he feel so...horrible? Like he had done something wrong...or that he would? Why did he feel like he knew the monster that had been vanquished still lived inside of him? That it would rise again with a new knowledge, the best knowledge? The knowledge of how to tear his family apart piece by piece, leaving no room for healing?

Tears dripped down his cheeks. He had to fight it. He had to fight himself, the worst part of himself. If his family was to survive, a piece of him must die. He may never be himself again, the Donatello they once knew might never be restored, but at least they would not suffer. They would not duffer like he had. Like he was.

Clenching both his jaw and his fists, Donnie flung himself off of his bed against the wall. Hitting the hard concrete with his head, he welcomed the pain. It would take away the growing numbness, remove the leech inside his head. The movement would shock it, and for a moment, he could be himself again.

Smacking his head again, Donnie could feel the mixture of warm blood and hot tears mingle as they poured onto the floor. Drip by ever loving drip, he could hear that constant patter. It was almost intoxicating, it gave him something else to focus on. It was his inward pain coming out, and he thought it would help.

The sound of footsteps running down the hall joined the noises. Ever since his mutation, ever since he slipped out from his family's noses, they had been extra wary. The first night he had returned as himself again, all of his brother's slept outside of his door. They did not know the he indeed did know, but it was the act that counted. His father probably would have done the same, except they had beaten him to it. And now, the slightest noise beckoned them.

Donnie's door opened slowly, and he recognized the velvet of his father's robe. From his kneeling position, his arms dangled loosely at his sides, and his head nearly leaned against his chest, he could barely see his brothers' feet. All three of them. They all stood there, almost shuffling about, but without movement.

"Donatello?" Splinter turned on his light switch, flooding his room. There was a gasp, and Donnie barely lifted his head up to look at their faces. Blood dribbled in between his eyes, and everything he could see was in a reddish shade. Leonardo, Raphael, and Michelangelo's shocked looks bore down on him, and Splinter's horrified gaze alone made him close his eyes tightly. Disappointment- the one thing that could break him.

Splinter grasped him, pulling him up into his arms. "Oh my son..." Donnie knew that he was aware this was self inflicted, not just some accident. He knew that something was wrong, something that would drive his intelligent son to do such a thing.

All Donnie could do was sob. The gut wrenching sounds that erupted from him only made his brothers gather around, but their silent tears could not comfort him. They did not understand. They could not understand. It was impossible. But...here they were...all together...as a family. They had to fight this as a family, which meant that they had to fight himself. A battle inside, the struggle within.

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**A/N: I hope you enjoyed this chapter, there is more to come! If it suits you, please review, but you don't have to :) (I would really appreciate it if you did though!) Thanks for reading!**


	2. The Truth Will Always Be A Lie

**A/N: Here is Chapter Two, and I hope you enjoy it! Sorry for the delay, I'm just trying really hard to get all these chapters perfect, and to the point that they make sense, and build up to Same As It Never Was. Thank you for all of your support! Now go read my pretties! :D**

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Same As It Never Was

Part One: Insanity

Chapter Two: The Truth Will Always Be A Lie

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Donnie's hand rested on his handle. Licking his lips, he slowly turned his wrist, and his door creaked open. He stuck his head out, looking back and forth. His heart was pounding, and to tell the truth, he really didn't know why. He knew last night's little performance would cause his family to act differently around him, and that only made him hesitate more. The bandages that coated his forehead were laced with gauze, perhaps too much of it. To be honest, he couldn't remember much past clutching his father's robe, but he knew that Splinter had cleaned him up without his brothers' present. He once again had not wanted them to see him in pain. He had already caused them enough of it already.

Secretly, Donnie hoped that they were all still asleep. Most of them slept in as late as they possibly could, but then again, they had all been up before him every morning since he had become himself again. None of them wanted him working in the lab, they didn't want him stressed out. He just needed to relax, or so he was told.

The smell of scrambled eggs floated into the air. Mikey was no doubt cooking them for him, he loved eggs. They were brain food. Power food. But if he was up, Raph and Leo probably were as well.

Stepping into the light of the kitchen, Donnie almost cringed. However, he kept a straight face, smiling lightly, if not slightly embarrassingly at his brothers.

"G'morning dude!" Mikey gave him his biggest smile. Donnie could see through the facade though, it was forced. Pity filled his little brother's expressions, and it made him sick. "And how are you feeling?" His eyes were wide, searching for the answer he wanted to hear. Leo and Raph were giving him pretty much the same look. One not of curiosity, but of wanting. The wanting of understanding.

Donnie rubbed the back of his neck. How could he tell them? That everything was wrong? That he felt sick to his stomach and just wanted to just curl up and die? It was like deja vu all over again from his mutation. "I'm good. A little confused though...what happened? I woke up with this on my head," Pointing to the bandages, he gave them another weak smile. It was better to play oblivious than to acknowledge something was actually wrong. Well...at least, that would work for now.

All three of them exchanged glances. Finally, it was Leo who spoke up. "I think...I think you kind of had a flashback...of...you know...the mon-"

"Mutant. Your secondary mutation," Raph cut in, glaring at his big brother. Donnie knew they were trying to protect him, trying to not use the 'm' word. Monster, because that was what he was. But they didn't want to hurt him anymore. And although that was a commendable action, he was not worthy enough for it. His self-esteem in himself was gone...dissipated. It was like it had been replaced with something else...something growing. Something evil.

"Oh..." Donnie looked down. He had to play the part, he had to be almost naive. It was a hard stunt to sell, and he was no actor, but any weird things he did was just contributed to him not being himself. It was, unfortunately, normal. How was that? It was normal for him not to be him.

"But it's okay!" Mikey rushed over. "Everything is okay," His eyes flashed towards Raph and Leo, pushing them to help support him. "Right guys?" Silent nods were all they got, and Donnie sighed.

"I'm just going to...relax," Donnie backed up, turning to go leave. Bumping into Master Splinter, his head dropped. "Sensei."

"Donatello," Placing a paw on his son's shoulder, Splinter gazed at him. "How are you?"

Something inside Donnie began to twitch. Did it matter if he was alright or not? Why did they even care? "It doesn't matter," He mumbled. "It really doesn't..." He could feel something growing inside of him, twisting and turning, running its claws over his brain like it was dough. He kept trying to tell himself that it was just shock, just an aftermath of his mutation. Nothing was really wrong with him...it couldn't be. Not after all they went through. He couldn't afford a relapse...what would they do? But this thing...this parasite was same thing he felt every night when he crawled in bed, when he was all alone. It whispered to him, speaking to him about things he did not want to hear. It had been how long since he had been saved from his physical mutation, but perhaps...just perhaps the monster was still there...mentally.

"My son?" Splinter's grip on his shoulder tightened as Donnie began to shake. The way he said those words...was he really his son? It was the same doubt that continued to plague his mind. He had to know. He just had to...

Donnie swallowed and closed his eyes, trying to desperately to pull himself back together. He found his hands were clutching his head, and his knees were giving out on him. He fell to the floor, and he could see it. He had not learned from his mistakes, he was cursed to repeat this over and over again. His breathing was unstable, his muscles were clenching, pinching nerves that sent shocks to his mind. He was in pain. His mental war was affecting his body, just as it rightly should.

The pain came in waves. It scared him, he was willing to admit that much, and with each passing moment, with each new surge, he prayed for it to end. He would do anything. Absolutely anything. And just like that...it stopped.

Splinter helped him sit up, placing him into one of the chairs. His face, just like his brothers, were frozen in a perpetual fear. They too were reliving a nightmare, but not near on the same extreme as he was. They pretended to care, and maybe they even did, but it didn't matter. It didn't matter at all.

Taking a shaky breath in, Donnie looked up. "Flashback..." He whispered. A falsehood, a lie. He had broken his honor as a ninja, covering his own self. But he didn't want them to know.

But that had been the lesson...both times over. He had to trust his family. He had to rely on them. Because he refused to learn that, to accept that, his worst moments just kept replaying. But something within him was stubborn, digging its talons into the ground, refusing to let up. Trust was not an option. Give them what they want to hear, and they will be satisfied.

That was when Donatello came up with the first rule that would dictate the rest of his life. Never trust anyone, not even yourself. Everyone is deceptive, and nothing will ever be true. The truth will always be a lie.

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**A/N: I hope you enjoyed this chapter, there is more to come! If it suits you, please review, but you don't have to :) (I would really appreciate it if you did though!) Thanks for reading!**


	3. All Was Well

**A/N: Alrighty, two chapters in one day! It's celebration time! I hope you like it :)**

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Same As It Never Was

Part One: Insanity

Chapter Three: All Was Well

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Donnie closed his eyes as he walked passed his brothers. They were currently occupied with a television show, and it had to be good if all three of them were watching. No doubt a mix of humor, action, and some kind of science fiction. The perfect mixture for all three of them. Or perhaps...perhaps they were ignoring him. He preferred it that way, of course. He had for a while now. That is, if a while meant several hours. Ever since his fallout in the kitchen, time seemed to be an illusion. Nothing seemed right, and he had to fix that. But first...but first his current project drew him in. It was something that he had contemplated, something that always intrigued him. Something that his father had forbidden for the power it may hold. He did not want them to be torn apart, whether as brothers or a team, and this had the power to do that.

But that was why he had to. He must. Were they truly brothers? Did he truly belong? If he could only slip into his lab...he would have a chance. The chance, of course, of a lifetime. One that could tell him whether he truly belonged or not.

He eased his big old door open. The loud creak that sounded from it current disuse echoed down the halls, and he knew that everyone knew what he was doing. There was no argument about it, but still his brothers remained frozen, as if statues. If he looked hard enough though, he could see something he never wanted to. Leo was taking in deep breaths in an effort to keep himself calm. Raph's jaw was clenched tight, and he was clearly fighting something back. But Mikey...Mikey was crying. His cheeks were stained, glistening with fresh droplets. They recognized his need, his want, his lust even for seclusion, and it tore at them. He doubted it was a choice they had made alone. Master Splinter had probably instructed them to give him leave, to allow him what he needed at his will. And although he would not accept it, he knew what he needed most was them. He needed their comfort, he needed to be in their arms once again. He needed them to fill the growing void that was expanding within him, separating him from them.

Mikey was the one to turn his head and look at him. Their eyes met, and Donnie took a step forward, a step closer to him. To his brothers. If he gave in, if he trusted them, all would be well. He merely had to push away the dire desperation of requiring nobody. He had to be himself again, and he had to cave into that. He had to make normal actually be normal.

A slight smile spread across his little brother's face. It was warm and inviting, a look that had always put him at ease. But not this time. One piece of him, that had once merely whispered into his ear, screamed at him now. That smile was not one of care, not one of brotherly love, but a cruel sense of hostility. It was bait for a trap, and it was not one that he was going to walk into.

And so, Donnie made the choice. The steps he would take now were the ones that could, and would, change everything. His gait was away from his brothers, and one toward the empty seclusion of the black hole that filled himself. Things would never be the same.

His lab was quiet, and it seemed as if a microscopic layer of dust had settled on all of his equipment. The little bit of time he had been away meant that many of his experiments had perished, different bacteria having died, or the time now very off. But it didn't matter. Nothing mattered.

Swiping his arm across one of his tables, Donnie didn't even cringe as liquid filled vials crashed onto the floor, or that chemicals oozed on the floor. He had himself a ready work station now, one that would serve him well.

Opening his small refrigerator, Donnie pulled out three beakers. Three completely different things, but all in all, one in the same. Each container had a blood sample from each one of them, each one bearing the DNA of its owner. Each one would provide a new piece to the puzzle before giving him the full picture.

He selected each one carefully, taking only what he needed. He knew that the one he didn't want anybody to know was what he was doing, so if even one of them noticed a difference...was he paranoid? Perhaps. But that was all part of losing it, losing his mind. Is that what was going on? Was he really accepting this?

No. He wasn't. This test would give him the answer he so diligently sought, and finally put him at ease. It would be worth it in the end, yes, it would be very good. He was thankful for the mind he had been granted with, it gave him the gift of being to do this without question. It kept him level headed...or so he tried to convince himself.

Drawing blood from his arm, he flinched at the prick of the needle. He remembered what the Kraang had done to him, how they had tortured him with such similar devices. But what once broke him would now build him up. It would, it had to. He wasn't any different from them, he was their brother. He was, and he was going to prove it.

Everything was set up perfectly. Now he only had to wait on the results...the results that would change his life. Was he one of them? Or was he an outsider that fate had brought in? A pretender, a sheep among the wolves? Were his differences merely ones from various genetics that they all shared, or because he shared nothing with them at all?

Time was ticking, and so was he. A bomb was building, and one that would take a lifetime to disable. The explosion that was inside him was just waiting to come out, but if and when it would were the only questions. He just had to be patient for now, and pretend amongst them that all was well.

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**A/N: I hope you enjoyed this chapter, there is more to come! If it suits you, please review, but you don't have to :) (I would really appreciate it if you did though!) Thanks for reading!**


	4. Against His Family (Revised)

**A/N: **

***Edit:  
Yes, this is still Chapter Four, but changes have been at the end of the chapter. I want to personally thank Sarah-chan, I absolutely loved your review! I myself wasn't too fond of the end, but shrugged it off because I'm never actually too fond of how I end anything. I changed it, because I love the thoughts you put into it, and I made my own adjustments. If you have a FF account, I would love for you to send me a message! I promise I won't bite lol. It's your kind of reviews that I always look forward to!**

**Hi everyone! I hope you enjoying this story so far. I know I am :) Anyways...thanks for the support. It means a lot. Especially BubblyShell22! Thank you so much! Now onto my endless storytale ramblings. I apologize for any misprints, I'm on a very unfamiliar computer :S The keyboard is just so...weird!**

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Same As It Never Was

Part One: Insanity

Chapter Four: Against His Family

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Pacing, wringing hands, these were the new normal for Donatello. Several days had passed since he had begun his project, and he was still waiting on the results. Results that he was starting to fear would never show. How long was this supposed to take? Too long by his book.

Things had seemed to change around the lair. Donnie hardly spoke to his family at all, and barred his door at night so they could no longer rush to him as he experienced his latest night terror. Any wounds he now inflicted upon himself were only cared for by him, and no else. He could though, see their pain. Mikey's smiles alone were a rarer and rarer sight, and his laughter, which once echoed hourly, had seemingly ceased too exist. Raphael's anger seemed for and more destructive, and he spent hours with his old friend, the punching bag. It seemed even Spike could not calm him down. As for Leo...well Leo had thrown himself into training. The constant clatter of his weapons rang about, and it seemed that they had replaced family noise. Even Master Splinter did not seem well, spending his time in even more meditating. There was very little training done, and the little that their sensei did force upon them excluded Donatello. He knew they were trying to give him space, but didn't they see that they were pushing him away? That every deed left undone, every word left unsaid only drove them further and further apart?

And finally, with all the work he had put into it, finally he had his answer. He held the sheet in his hands, the color diagrams, the charts andgraphs, but most of all...what it said. The single sentence that would determine his life was staring right at him. He knew the answer that had long vexed tehm all, the answer the had pushed him near the edge. The answer that now determined his fate.

At first, it was unclear. The different alignments, the algorithms that popped up, none of it made any sense. And even now, he felt no closer to knowing who he was than ever before. Leonardo, Raphael, Michelangelo, they were all blood brothers. And, the strangest of all, it said that he indeed used to be one as well. That single phrase, used to be. It meant that what once was, was now changed. It was different. Something in him had warped his DNA to the point where it was barely even recognizable by his equipment. His mutation was still in him, although no longer affecting his body, his notes were right. It had affected his mind, and in a way he could not fathom. He was not himself, he was not Hamato Donatello anymore. His identity, his whole being, it didn't matter. He was no longer ther brother, he was not Yoshi's son. He had taken on an entire new persona, sonething so much more sinister. He was a monster, a dark creature. A shell of what he used to be, filled only with anger, disappointment, and guilt. He didn't deserve anything.

His only question was who was to blame? Was it his fault or another's that he was not the turtle he used to be? Those words...those accursed words. What did they mean? What did life itself mean? Why was he even here, if only to cause pain tp himself and those around him? That was something he could not bear.

He stumbled out of his lab, the new found information in his mind, burying itself into his heart. He was shaking again, and he tried to remember the last time it was that he actually ate. The smell of pizza wafted into the air, and he could hear his brothers approaching down the tunnel. They had left without him, once again. Were they to blame? Or was it something else? Nothing made sense anymore.

Mikey's eyes widened at the sight of his brother, and he tried to smile. "Donnie," He looked, oddly enough, hopeful. "Will you join us for dinner?"

Donnie couldn't help but look at his brother's face, as well as Leo and Raph's. They all held onto the same thing, a false hope that indeed would come shattering down upon them soon. "Yes," He replied slowly, choosing his words carefully. "I have something that I want to tell all of you," He saw thye worried glances they all threw each other. They need not be though, for he was sure they would all take it as good news. What was bad for him was good for them. And no doubt...it would be visa versa.

It did not take long for everyone to assemble. Even Master Splinter was there, and inwardly Donnie cringed. His so- called father had strictly prohibited such a test being done for many reasons, but Donatello had not listened. Luck was on his side though, he doubted that Splinter would be to cross with, especially in the state he was in.

As the pizza began to disappear within his brothers, their sensei spoke. "Michelangelo informed me that you had something you wished to share?"

All eyes were now on him, and he merely nodded, refusing to look any in the eye. "I..." He gulped, not sure how to even say it. "I discovered that we were all brothers," He paused, finally gazing at the three turtles who were frozen. "Blood brothers."

Nobody clearly knew what to say. Leo's pizza fell out of his hand, and Mikey's fell out of his mouth. Raph was frozen in between chewing, and to say Splinter was shocked would be an understatement. But Donnie continued.

"I said were for a reason. With my recent...mutation, my DNA has been...modified. Changed. Warped. Although I may appear the same on the outside, I am very much...different. I no longer deserve the title Hamato Donatello. As such, I never want to hear that name again. Am I clear?" The ferocity that came out with those words was powerful, even to the point of stunning.

"I will not stand for such a thing," Splinter's voice rose to a pique that rivaled even Donnie's. "You deserve the name you were given just as any of your brothers. Just because a part of you has changed does not mean you have to. This is a choice my son," He reached over, and firmly but tenderly placed a paw on his shoulder.

"Then my choice still stands," Donnie whipped away from his father, and stood up. "I am no longer your son. I am no longer their brother," He glanced around, and walked away.

"But Donnie!" Mikey cried out, grasping for a single grain of who was once his closest brother. He flew up, grabbing him by the arm. His eyes locked with Donnie's, and tears began to fall. "Please don't go Donnie..."

Donnie tried to look away. He really did. But the mere sight of his brother, the one whom he denounced mere moments ago, holding onto to him was too much. The tears began to fall, and he tried to pull away. He couldn't be weak anymore. He wasn't weak. He was...who was he? He was Donatello...but Donnie was too innocent. He may still be Yoshi's son, he may still be their brother, but a part of him had broken away. A part of him wasn't innocent, naive, or even pure. He was more serious now, and Donnie...was just too childish.

Mikey only pulled Donnie in closer, wrapping his arms around him. It was perhaps the tightest hug Donatello had ever received. It was one that was given out of the love only a brother could provide. Despite the shallow, quick breaths he took, Donnie still remained stiff and poised. It wasn't until the family gathered that he broke down once again. The last wall had caved in, and he knew after today, nothing would ever be the same.

Leo and Raph had come to his sides, and Splinter supported him from behind. Mikey refused to let go, and as beads of sweat dripped down him, mingled with his and his brother's tears, Donnie began to shake. He couldn't do this. He had to get it over with. They were going to be disappointed in him anyways, what did it matter, now or later? Tearing away from them, Donnie took off. He could hear their footsteps following, and he barely made it to his room. The one thing he had been blessed with, the lock, barely saved him in time before they made it to him.

"Donnie!" Mikey cried, and the pounding on his door only told him they would not give up. He could hear, and vividly picture Mikey sliding down the door, his sobs breaking Donnie's heart.

"Don't make me come in there!" Raph yelled, trying to be the tough guy. He was trying to protect Donnie, as he always did. But he was trying to protect him from himself...and that was something that he could not do.

"Donnie, please," The pleading in Leo's voice, both as a brother and as a leader made Donnie cringe. "Open the door..."

"My son," The pounding stopped, and there was even a pause in Mikey's cries. "My son, you do not have to do this. Do not push yourself away from us. We can help you. You only have to let us."

Only the smallest of whispers escaped Donnie's lips. "I can't..." With those final words, Donnie sank down, his back against the door. Against his family.

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**A/N: I hope you enjoyed this chapter, there is more to come! If it suits you, please review, but you don't have to :) (I would really appreciate it if you did though!) Thanks for reading!**


	5. Until His Time Came

**A/N: Here's the newest chapter. Sorry if it sucks, it's waaay past my bedtime, my head hurts, but I owed this to you guys. If you have any problems with it tell me so I can fix it.**

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Same As It Never Was

Part One: Insanity

Chapter Five: Until His Time Came

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So much had changed for Donatello since his announcement. He knew it, he felt it, he heard it. He had stayed in his room for a couple days, venturing out only a few times for essentials. Even then, it had been in the middle of the night, when he was sure everyone was asleep. He had known though, that Master Splinter was not. The man he had always considered his father, the man that had raised him, he was always keen on his sons. He always seemed to know, but only approached them when he deemed it necessary. Donatello had known that Splinter was up, but he did not know if he was thankful or grieved that he had not come to him. He knew it had to be difficult, their choices. Every time they reached out to him, he had pulled away, but they did not know what doing nothing did to him. If they didn't do anything, he felt like they were giving up on him. A part of him, the only part that he knew was still true to himself, told him that he had given up on himself. He was already dead to himself, and his family was watching him die on the outside now too. He had to do something to change that, something that would make up for all of that. He had strengthen himself, he had to prove himself worthy to once again bear the title Hamato Donatello.

It was early morning, that much he knew. Leo wasn't even up yet, and despite still being young, he was always the first one up to train.

Donatello's shoulders dropped. He knew he was something, someone else. He had to make that evident to those around him until he found himself again...if he ever did. He truly wanted to, he longed for it, but it was still there...the monster. It refused to let him, and it had worn him down so much...he could not fight against it. He was a darker version of himself, part Donatello, part monster. Could he even be classified as a mutant? There was something secondary, something more animalistic. He was different now, as if there could ever be such a thing.

Running his fingers over his head, Donatello splashed cold water onto his face. Gazing up into the mirror, he cocked his head, looking at himself. He had perhaps the brightest mask of his brothers, at least after Mikey. And his weapon...it was pathetic. Just a single, wooden stick. He couldn't do anything with it. But how could he abandon the color that his father chose for him? The weapon that chose him?

He was different now, a different person. The mask no longer defined him, the weapon had rejected him just like everyone else. He had to...to rediscover what made him who he was.

Untying his mask, Donatello allowed it to drop to the floor. The slight shuffle of the clothe made him cringe, made him think about what he was doing. But what other choice did he have? He didn't...not truly. He could not be weak, not again.

That purple...it stood for nostalgia. It represented what he wanted, a longing for the past, for a period and time where all was right. But for now, he would have to settle with something else. Something darker...something that described him now.

He had seen it before, hanging ever delicately, ever carelessly inside his father's chest. It was kept alongside the weapons and spare masks, and it would fit him. It was almost black, but it shimmered with a hint of purple. What was more hideous, and yet more perfect, than that?

It took mere moments to complete, to make it his. And when he looked at himself, with how it caressed his face, he knew it was right. It defined him. Donnie was dying, but something else was being born.

A grin spread across Donatello's face. He knew his father had an extensive weapons' collection, and he had had his eye on one for a long time. It was much like his bo staff...but so much more sinister. The surface dwellers would call it a scythe, but it was more than that. It was a Kamayari, and used in the right hands, could grant life or death.

This time his bo clattered to the floor. The Kamayari was now strapped to his back, and Donatello was filled with pride. He was complete, for now. He was all alone, with nothing but who he was and what he was.

"Donnie?" A wide eyed Mikey stood in the doorway to the dojo, his mouth completely agape. He blinked a few times. Hesitantly, he took several steps forward, reaching his arm for his brother. "Donnie?" He repeated himself, almost terrified.

Donatello said not one word, merely watching the turtle who was supposed to be his brother. He seemed so...vulnerable in this state. As if completely naked, no mask, no weapon. He had no definition.

And yet...yet he was still Michelangelo. He needed nothing to be himself except he had to be himself, if that made any sense. He did not need material things to tie him down to reality, he just needed a grin, a laugh, and the occasional prank or two. He was complete with nothing.

It made Donatello jealous. How could his little brother be like that? He had everything he wanted...everything he needed...but he could not get, he could receive. He may have been taught not to be selfish or covetous, but he was. And he wasn't sorry for it.

Lunging, Donatello grabbed Mikey, pushing him to the floor. His eyes glowed in the dark, the red suffocating the soft brown. If he couldn't have happiness, why should anyone else? Why should Mikey?

Fingering his new weapon, Donnie shook. Slowly he drew it out, Mikey's terrified face under him. His entire being told him that it was wrong, it screamed at him, but it was as if something else had taken control. Not only mentally...but physically as well.

The lights flipped on, and Splinter stood with Leo and Raph. "Donatello?" The single word, the one thing that he had that did not require anything, snapped him back. Sliding the scythe back into it's place, he blinked, shakily grasping ahold of Mikey. Pulling his little brother up, he nearly pulled him into a hug. He knew he couldn't push them away anymore, he knew he couldn't allow that to happen again. Now, now he needed them. He could give in now, he could push the monster away.

With hope filling Donatello's heart, Mikey peeled away from him, clutching their father. The shocked gaze of their sensei towards Donatello made him collapse, and everything grew pitch black. His mind, his heart. The moment he needed them, the moment that decided everything, the factor of his life, had just crumbled. Nothing was left. Nothing that mattered anyways.

Leo and Raph escorted Mikey out, fierce glares sent in Donatello's way. This time Master Splinter did not even reach out to him. He merely gestured toward him, and he took a kneeling position. He did not sit down, he did not meet eye contact. His face was stern and yet discerning, fatherly and detestable. "Donatello," He clenched his jaw, his whiskers twitching slightly. "We must talk."

It was something that Donatello dreaded, but it was inevitable. He had no choice, no, not right now. But soon, as the anger flared back up in him, he knew. He would free one day, he just had to bide his time. With that, he was satisfied. He could play along with their little game, at least, up until his time came.

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**A/N: Thanks for reading, and please review!**


	6. The Monster's Bidding

**A/N: Sorry for the delay DX I hope you guys enjoy this...it's kind of the breaking point, and after this, it's going to start getting intense!**

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Same As It Never Was

Part One: Insanity

Chapter Six: The Monster's Bidding

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Donatello sat as he always did, knees on the ground, and his hands on his knees. It was supposed to be a sign of respect, ready to bow as his sensei spoke. The position reminded him of what a slave did, or a princess. To be frank, he was neither, but at the moment he had to bide his time. Which meant he had to pretend long enough for everyone to buy his ploy. "Master-" He spoke, not even daring to lift his eyes up to Splinter.

"Donatello," The voice that spoke to him was neither caring nor brutal. It was as if it were neutral, as if the speaker were choosing his words very carefully. He was fighting his emotions, as if he did not know whether to be disappointed, angry, loving, or whatever. It was quite different for Donatello, he knew very well what he was feeling. Hatred, loathing, detest, scorn, condemnation. But under all that, under all what he chose to feel, there was something else. Regret mostly, but it was mixed with fear and grief. Confusion and uncertainty mingled in, and even diffidence dabbled in him.

"My son," Splinter sighed heavily, not even brining his eyes down to look at Donatello. For once, the powerful ninja's voice began to shake, and it even broke. Finally, when he could resists it no longer, he knelt down beside Donatello. "It is not gone is it? The creature?"

Donnie had to turn his head. How could he deny it? It screamed at him, it told him to lie. To dishonor himself. That he had simply seen the truth of his family, because he had. But when push came to shove... "No...it never was. And it's been too long now..."

"No!" It was not a shout, but it was a command. "It is never too late. You must never give up hope."

"It has become me," Donnie replied, trembling almost. "It and I are...Sensei," Looking up with tear filled eyes, he licked his parched lips. "To destroy it would mean to destroy me," The sudden realization filled Donatello. The images of Mikey, his own brother, quivering underneath him as he pulled out his...his Kamayari...what was he going to do? Kill him? Was he really going to kill his brother? That had been the monster's mission, to tear the family apart. And that's what it was doing, but it was using him even more so than ever before. "I..." Donnie's breath quickened, and sweat began to drip down his face. "I don't know what to do..."

Splinter merely placed a paw on his shoulder. "You must fight it. We did before, we can do it again."

Donatello's entire form dropped. Didn't his father understand? It was too late for him. And unless he did something...it would be too late for them all. "I have to...I have to go...think..." He muttered, standing. It was then that he realized how tall he had become- he almost rivaled Splinter. He was Splinter's rival...no. He couldn't let it take over again, not to his father. He had already hurt his family enough.

He left Splinter behind, staring at him. He knew that the man understood, but that his humanity was in denial. He did not want to lose his son, so he refuted the truth. The monster could play that little game, and as much as Donnie didn't want to, as much as he fought, he was at the end of his rope. There was no more point to fighting, he had already lost. But while he had a little precious time left, he would use it the best he could.

Leo and Raph sat on either side of Mikey on the couch, all of them bewildered. The oldest two though were angry though, and Raphael even shot Donnie a cold glare. He couldn't blame him though, he deserved it.

"Mikey..." Donnie's voice was barely above a whisper. "I...I'm sorry...I don't know what..." Raphael clenched his jaw, his muscles tensing as if ready to spring up off of the couch right then and there. Donnie could see it though, just like their father. The look of defeat on Donatello's face, the thought that they hadn't seen their brothers in days since his discovery of their genetics. He couldn't be angry with him, but he had to be angry at something. He just didn't know what...yet.

Slinking off to his room quietly, Donnie peered in the mirror. The image he saw caught him off guard. His mind had already forgotten what he had done, that he had donned on such a dark color, and that his new weapon was so deadly. He was not himself, no, he was the monster reincarnate. Where the beast had disappeared something new had been born, something that Donatello hated. He despised what he had become, he hated it with a passion. As the anger boiled within him, he grasped hold of his dresser. With strength that he did not know he had, Donnie ripped it away from the wall, crashing it into the hard ground. Glass shattered, and the sound of breaking wood echoed in his ears. But it didn't matter.

He had numerous boxes in his room, numerous plans and ideas for inventions. For things that he loved and adored, things that gave him peace. Building and inventing helped relax him, everyone knew that. But he couldn't handle it. Lifting the top box, he threw it across his room, and it crashed again the wall. Papers scattered everyone, flying in the air. One after another, all of his organized things became strewn around, dispersing like the remnants of his mind. There was nothing left for him, nothing that he could hold on to.

Sitting down on his bed, Donnie buried his face into his hands. Silent tears filled his palms, dripping down his arms. He was a monster.

He didn't even hear the quiet knock at the door, nor did he see the person who opened it. The innocent blue eyes that peered around flickered in a heart-rendering dance. "Donnie?" His soft freckles were barely noticeable in the dim light, but his expression was obvious.

Donnie shook his head. "Donnie isn't home anymore Mikey. He's not here anymore..."

"Don't talk like that!" Rushing over to his side, Mikey hesitated, but put an arm around him. "You're still there. You know how I know?" Gazing up, Donnie just blinked. "Because I can see it in your eyes," Smiling, Mikey sighed.

Donnie just shook his head. "All you see is a shadow. Now leave me," Pointing to the door, Donatello didn't even pause at Mikey's shocked face. "I said leave!"

Leaping up, Mikey took off. Looking around the frame of the door, his bottom lip quivered. "You're still Donnie. You're still my bro. Don't ever forget that," Disappearing once and for all, he was gone.

There was no scuffling outside, no one waiting on him. No one was there for Donatello, and he had no one to blame but himself. He had pushed everyone away, but he didn't know if it was because he wanted to protect them, or because it was the monster's bidding.

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**A/N: Thanks for reading, and please please please review! It would mean the world to me!**


	7. His Downfall

**A/N: Hi everybody! I really hope you enjoy this chapter. I'm trying not to rush it, but I want to try and keep this first part under twenty chapters. However, at this rate, it's probably going to be closer to twenty five. Oh well. I really like how this chapter turned out, but I'm kind of torn at the end. So tell me what you think ;)**

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Same As It Never Was

Part One: Insanity

Chapter Seven: His Downfall

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Donnie sighed, shaking his head. Time seemed to be an illusion anymore, but if took a stab at it, he would have said it had been a week or two since he had kicked Mikey out of his room. In that time, everything had escalated, all emotions put on high adrenalin. Of course, adrenalin was the only thing keeping him alive right now he presumed. He knew that if he didn't keep himself on this false high, if he didn't keep himself wound up tight and dwelling on everything, he would come crashing down. He knew he struggled with depression, he was fully aware of that, and that was why he had to keep himself up. It didn't even matter if he hurt anybody, as long as he felt in control of himself. Or...at least kept himself up while the monster gained control.

Everyone knew something was wrong, there was no use skirting around it anymore. The tension between him and his family was growing, especially between him and Master Splinter. It had started when his beloved Sensei had brought them all in for training. At first Donatello had denied it, but through persuasion, and his thoughts that with his father's masterpiece he may conquer that Kamayari, he joined his brothers. He had beaten them all with ease, but he had assumed it was a combination of the monster's strength, and the clear evidence that they were all thrown off. He bore a new mask, a new weapon, a new identity. He fought differently than before, no longer on the defensive, but rather on the offensive. Everything about him threw them off, made them lose concentration and focus. While he had come to terms and balanced within himself, they were not.

He never trained with them again, of course. Even at Splinter's deepest insistence, even to the points of them screaming at each other, he never entered the dojo with the intentions of being with them. Sometimes he would watch them, study them from the doorway, but he was never with them. In the early mornings though, or even in the middle of the night when they were out patrolling, he would train himself. Use his katas, change them to his advantage, push himself to the extreme. He admittedly did see a change in himself, he had seen it for a long time. He ignored everyone, and practically lived in the shadows. He spent all of his spare time studying, but not how he used to. Instead of looking at new inventions, instead of doing what he used to enjoy, he spent his precious energy delving into strategies. He had one for everything, for everyone. And with each passing day, with each passing moment, he gathered and learned more information on everybody. It was ingenious really, protecting himself. At the moment though, he was a mouse playing at the lion's mouth. He was the caveman playing with fire. He had inexperience, but he was willing to learn.

He knew it was coming, he always. That confrontation, the one that would drive him. He knew as intense as his first one with Splinter was, the one that would break them would be the worse, something nobody could have imagined. It would come out of nowhere, and yet leave a lasting impression on them all. And it was that fight he was building himself up for. He just didn't think it would be so soon.

It had started out like the rest of the days. Not normal, but not immensely off. He didn't even sense it. Splinter had once again invited him to train with them, and like every other day he declined. The reaction he from his father though was less than expected.

"Hamato Donatello," The full name alone caught him off guard. "I will no longer put up with this. You have sulked long enough. The toleration I have allowed was not supposed to go this far. You will pull yourself out of this, and you will do it now."

Donnie just glared, a motion he would have never dared before. Splinter's nostrils flared, and flames burned in his eyes. "I've done what I can, you can't ask me of anything more than that. You never have before."

"I know you Donatello. As your father, I know you are better than this. What happened to the young man I raised? Where did the inventor go? The brother? The son?"

Something inside Donnie snapped. The truth was now or never, he had to expose what he knew. "I was never your son! We share nothing! And I am no longer their brother!" As his voiced raised, so did Donnie's stature. As he stood up against his father, he knew this was his last stand.

"You have let this go to far!" By now, even Splinter was yelling. The shouts had gotten the attention of his sons, and Mikey cowered behind his two older brothers. Leo was cringing at their voices, and Raph was frozen. They no longer knew what to think. It was their father versus their brother, a duel that no one wanted to willingly acknowledge. But it was impossible to ignore...impossible to choose.

"I have let nothing!" Donnie spat, glaring at the man who was before. "It was all your fault! Their fault!" Gesturing to three others who were like him in so many ways, he began to shake with anger. "Whose fault was it that I am like this? That I can't even begin to even wish that everything were normal again? I have always been the outcast of this so called family, but it's only been until now that I've seen it!"

"You are blind! This family loves you, and always has! Don't you think that we have all suffered? That we all wish we could do something different? That we could change the past? You have always been their equal, you have always been a light to the team forged between you. It is you who are separating yourself from them-"

Splinter's words were cut short as in one swift motion, Donnie shoved him. "Don't ever compare me to them! None of you understand! You will never know the meaning of suffering!" Drawing out his Kamayari, Donnie took a stance.

Splinter blinked. "I don't want to fight you Donatello."

Donnie growled. "You don't have a choice."

Looking up, Splinter caught Donatello's gaze. "You always have a choice," They just stared at each other, trying to read the other one. As seconds passed, not another word was spoken, until Donatello made his decision.

"Gah!" Swinging his new weapon at the man he once called father, tears fought against him as well. They were angry, hot ones that he refused to allow to spill out, ones that could have broken him. As he continued to swing, Splinter merely dodged back and forth, his own shock evident. As the scythe's blade drew ever nearer, it caught hold of his beard, shearing most of it off. As the hair fell to the floor, both Donatello and he stopped.

Donnie's eyes were wide as he looked down. Had it been ever closer, he would have sliced Splinter's throat wide open. That would have killed him...he was going to kill him..."Father...I-" He tried to breathe, tried to take in what the monster was trying to make him do.

"What the shell is your problem?!" Raph broke his stance, rushing over to his father. He brought himself up as support for him, glowering at Donnie.

"You could have killed him!" Leo shouted, no longer holding back the emotions he felt. As he helped Raph take their traumatized sensei to the couch, Mikey sat beside him. The two eldest wasted no time in finishing their father's duty.

"You think you have it so bad?!" Raph snarled, fingering his sais. "Master Splinter lost both his wife and daughter. He actually lost people."

"Can't you see what you're doing to him?" Leo was attempting to breathe calmly, fighting the urge to grab his katanas. "Don't let him lose a son too."

Raph scoffed. "A true son wouldn't act like this."

Donnie couldn't take it all in. It was all too much at one time, too much for him to comprehend. As Leo hesitantly reached for him, he tore away. His feet raced down the halls, and as he passed by Splinter and Mikey, all he heard was his name being called.

"Don! Please!" Mikey's voice echoed out to him. "Wait!"

His pace did not slow, and neither did the thoughts running around his mind. The monster was going to kill his father...he was going to kill his father...how could he ever go back? He couldn't...he could never return. He could never look into his father's face with dignity. With honor. He had disgraced everything he stood for. He was nothing but dust walking upon the earth. He had no purpose, no life. He was alone. But it was a choice he had made...

Raphael's words echoed in his ears. A true son would have never acted like that. It only confirmed his own presumptions more. He wasn't a true son to Hamato Yoshi. But it wasn't because of his sensei, no it was him. He was the problem. Everything about him was a problem. Raph had hit it on the nail, what the shell was his problem?

At least Leo had reached out to him...he had tried...or was going about it all with a different approach? What would he have done had he laid a hand on him? Would he have held him down so Raph could do to him what he was going to do to their father?

And Mikey...he had called out to him. But he had used a different name to identify with his new persona. He had left out the innocence of his childhood nickname, but also kept his official title. No longer did his little brother refer to him as Donnie, it was to...sweet. To painful and reminding of what was never more. No, even his own brother referred to him as something else.

He could no longer think of himself as Donnie anymore. Even Mikey had proved that he wasn't, and his own actions shouted it. But taking on a new name, even if just a nickname, would shed him of the last thing he had. He would be accepting his fate as being one with the monster.

But the acceptance had already taken place. By attacking his own father, he had given in. He had allowed the monster to win, and it had won a long time ago. He had never stood a chance.

Finally, his pace slowed. No one had followed him. Perhaps they dared not to in fear of what he would do. Maybe they just didn't care. Either way, as Don neared the manhole, he knew it was over. He wasn't part of the Hamato clan anymore. He was an exile, an outcast. He didn't belong.

Escaping to the surface, the moon glistened down on him. Anybody that saw him would be scared, for who wouldn't be? A tall humanoid turtle, bearing the Grim Reaper's scythe, with a dark mask fluttering in the wind. It no longer mattered if he was to hide or not, to stick to the shadows. He wasn't truly a ninja. He could use his skills to his own advantage, but beyond that? What once embraced him shunned him, and he shunned it back.

Licking his lips, Don scaled the brick wall with ease. He was going to prove to himself that he didn't need them. They may be hidden heroes, but he was going to be something else. Something unlike what anybody else had ever seen. He wasn't scared like they were, they had nothing on him. He had everything on them though, and he could keep them twisted around his fingers until he no longer needed them. Until then though, he had to play his cards just right.

Sighing, he took off across the familiar rooftops. Nothing mattered anymore. It couldn't matter, because if it did, if he let anything get close to him ever again, it would be his downfall.

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**A/N: Thanks for reading, and please please please review! It would mean the world to me! Do you understand how this happened? What happened? All that kind of stuff. Do you not like how it turned out? Could something have been different that would have made it better? I need to for further chapters :D Thank you!**


	8. Happy 16th Mutation Day

**A/N: Hi guys :( I'm not sure about this chapter, it has everything in there that I wanted, but I'm not sure...just as a fair warning though, I do want to tell you guys that this could be rated M...I don't know, maybe because of character death? But not as you might think. Blood and all that kind of stuff. I'm not to happy with this chapter though, so don't hesitate in telling me what i did wrong. Now, you can go read if you wish.**

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Same As It Never Was

Part One: Insanity

Chapter Eight: Happy 16th Mutation Day

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_Donnie ducked his head as he felt Raphael pound his shell with his now broken bo staff. The humor in his voice though made Donnie smile as he took off for the sidelines where Mikey sat. "I'm down Raph!"_

_ The clattering of the two sticks onto the floor made Donnie cringe slightly. He knew Master Splinter had him a spare one, he always did. He was always looking out for him. Even now as he gazed up at his father, he still felt pride. "Good job. Definite improvement," The warm chocolate brown eyes that he always looked up to smiled down on him, and despite his failure, made Donnie feel accomplished._

_ Taking his spot beside Mikey, Donnie watched intently as Raph sparred with Leo now. His job was done now, he wanted to get back to his projects. He still owed his brothers their mutation day presents, and he did not want to disappoint. He loved seeing their faces when they opened the menial gifts, the joy that always exploded from them. It was good to be their brother, the smallest precious moments always made up for the worst ones._

_ Son, brother, inventor, these were things that defined him but did not control him. He was his own person, his own being, and he always would be. He was proud to be Hamato Donatello, and nothing was going to change that._

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Opening his eyes slightly, Don moaned. He wished he could rest longer, he wished he could go back to that dream. The dream of his former life, when all things were right. He couldn't hardly even bear being away from them, at least his more submissive side told him. But he didn't listen to that weakling any longer. It had brought him nothing but pain. To remain strong, he had to rely on the dominant, more aggressive side of him. It had served him well, and it had protected him.

Glancing around, Don scowled as the crisp air hit him. Sleeping during the day did have its perks, but the nights were brutal. Winter was coming, and he didn't have a lot of time to prepare for it.

It had been three days since he had left the lair. Three days in which the sun rose and fell, three days in which he raced over rooftops chasing shadows. Three days in which he did nothing but mourn the loss of his family. They were dead to him. They no longer existed. There were only monsters living in their places, living their lives. Monsters that he had to destroy slowly, but surely. He would make them pay.

He had planned it well, long ago. Ages it felt like, but he would carry it out tonight. It didn't matter if they were doing a run, or simply hanging out in the lair. It would be simple, easy. It would shatter them to their very core, destroy their very lives. And he had to do nothing but say a few simple words.

Sprinting across the rooftops once more, Don became entwined with his thoughts. He was no longer as careful as he was before, the ninja's way was no longer a part of him. But everything in him screeched to a halt as he heard a bloodcurdling scream down below him.

Skiing to a stop at the edge, Don listened before he acted. The words he heard caught his off guard, but he stood his ground.

"Leo owes us big time. You know that, he knows that. And you both," A small chuckle escaped a man's lips. "Well, you both know what will happen if we don't get what we want."

Peering over the edge, Don couldn't help but be impressed. The girl was roughly his age, with long blonde hair that cascaded down her back. Her bright blue eyes flickered in the moonlight, something between fear and the attempt to muster up courage. She looked to innocent for her own good, she was just screaming to be picked up by one of these guys. As she turned toward one of the men who had her backed up in the ally though, a Purple Dragon tattoo glistened on her arm.

Don mentally shrugged to himself. He guessed these gang members were starting to come in all shapes, sizes, and genders. She may be pretty, but she wasn't really worth it.

One of the men snickered, pulling out a crowbar. "Leo is gonna pay- big time."

The girl's rather beautiful eyes widened. "Please...Emilio will have your money tomorrow."

"Well that won't do us any good right now, will it?" The first guy leered, raising his fist.

Don sighed, leaping down roughly onto the concrete. Landing with his fist on the ground, smirking with the thought of Mikey saying how epic that pose was. Looking up at the group around the girl, Don pulled out his scythe, and glared at the men. He didn't say a word, but his intentions were clear.

"What...what are you?" A small voice whispered out. It wasn't the victim, no, in fact it was one of the perpetrators. Fear clearly encompassed all of them.

"I'm your worst nightmare," The words barely escaped his mouth before he moved in swiftly, but steadily. He used the blunt end of his Kamayari to knock the weakest of them out, but the two larger guys leapt on top of him. With strength he never knew he had, Don stood, punching one of the men into the wall.

The shine of a knife caught Don's eye. The first man grinned. "You're going to die tonight, turtle," Don merely shook his head. At least the ill-educated got his species right.

The man foolishly charged, straight towards Don. All he had to was lower his weapon ever slightly...

A loud gasp was heard, and the man fell limp, blood gushing from his stomach. He licked his lips a few times before he closed his eyes. He gasped for air, and Don just stood over him. Blood began trickling at his feet, and he stepped away disgusted. Glancing over to where the girl was, he saw no one. It didn't matter, he wasn't expecting anything from her anyways.

One of the men tried to stand, moving unsteadily towards Don. Did he not just witness what happened to his boss? He had to be taught not to mess with him.

Snatching the man by his hair, Don grabbed ahold of his head. In one, quick motion, he twisted it. It was rather silent, except for the slight crack that was heard. The man fell over dead, his neck completely broken.

As Don climbed the wall, he took a deep breath in. The adrenalin rush...it was amazing. He had never experienced something so exhilarating, nothing so...fulfilling. Where everybody else seemed to live, to give life, he was the Grim Reaper. He took what deserved to be taken. And no one would have to bother about those two anymore.

Glancing at the one he left alive, Don smirked. He would live for today and spread the word. No one was to mess him, or anyone else, and live. He was making a reputation for himself that easily. He simply had to take out a few gang members...

Don blinked. What had he just done? As his heart rate began to even out, as his throbbing mind began to clear, he couldn't help but be torn. Part of him raged with a strange form of glee, the other part of him wanted to scream. It wasn't fair. It wasn't right. He could no longer ask what was wrong with him, he knew that much. But he just...he couldn't help...he had to ask it. What was wrong with him?

Gazing up at the sky, he cried out. The sound was unnatural, and unnerving for him. He never did such things, but how else was he to get out that pent up energy? It was building inside...it threatened to explode...

Lights began to flicker in the surrounding buildings. Sure, they ignored that girl's plea for help, but when it came to something more animalistic, they began to freak out. It was all part of their human nature, but he still faulted them for it.

He had to calm down. He had to finish his plan, he had to continue his mission. Destroy those who destroyed him. It was simple enough...it had to be. And although the first blood he drew was not theirs, it was close enough.

Blanking his mind out, Don traveled with no thoughts- no emotions. It was the only way he could now live with himself. Torn by two beings. One who knew what was right, and the other who hated it. It only reminded him of what a true failure he really was.

Coming closer to his destination, Don froze. A small laugh echoed out into the night, and for the second time he saw a girl. This one however, he knew. The ginger headed teenager, one whom he had once cared very much for, was walking with her father. They held one box, something that April seemed to be guarding.

She almost made him sick. Ever since they had saved her father, she had been more distant. They...he had tolerated it, of course, understanding that she would want to spend time with the man she missed. But ever since his second mutation...ever since their brief, but scarring battle, her trips to the lair were few and far between. And now, here she was, traveling with her father. It was late evening no less, just enough for the sun to be gone and the moon to have risen. They were headed to, dare he say it, his old home. His old sanctuary. They knew not what had transpired, even though he had been gone for days. How dare she decide to go to them after all she had done, how dare she bring such a peace offering.

The smell of some form of dessert wafted to him. He was hungry enough as it was, and although now his survival depended on him taking what not his, what greater enjoyment than to take from those who harmed him?

He knew he would have to be stealthy now, be careful. But it would be easy. Her laughter betrayed her naivety, she did not know. So going to her would prove less than difficult.

"April," Quietly he called out from the shadows. He kept his voice low, and almost scared. Women were always emotional, they always acted by their feelings.

Almost instantly she whipped around. "Donnie?" He cringed- that despised nickname. But then, she did not know. Which would only make the obvious so much more painful. As she drew near to him though, he could see the worry on her face. The pure concern.

"Don't!" He almost shouted, but tried to keep himself calm. "Don't come any closer," He stayed glued to the darkness, his insides shaking. It was shock, he tried to explain to himself, he just killed two men. Oh, he just- "I...I just...killed two men," He murmured. He was notorious for talking to himself, but this was the worst of moments.

"What?" April's startled voice jolted him, and he reached for the box that had fallen from her grasp. Just like that, he pulled away, lifting himself onto one of the fire escapes. "Donnie?" Reaching into the darkness, she seemed surprised to find nothing. "Dad! Help me find Donnie!" How many times did she have to say that accursed name? He had to ignore it. He had to ignore her. He had to get away, he had to stop reminding himself of past pleasures. Things that no longer mattered.

Scurrying away from his hiding place, Don shook all over. Resting his hand on one of the sheds that was on the roof, he tried to steady his breathing, he tried to relax. It wasn't working, and he had no clue why. Or rather...he opted to ignore what he knew what causing it. He murdered people in cold blood, with no remorse. He had been contemplating only moments previous how he was going to annihilate April and everyone, and now he was quivering like child. He couldn't carry out his plan now. It was impossible. Not until he found the courage to be able to do it himself.

Lifting the box's lid, Don gazed down at blue, red, purple, and orange writing that lettered the cake. Tears began to drip down his face as he whispered words long forgotten. "Happy 16th Mutation Day..."

* * *

**A/N: Anyways...yeah, it's been a year since the first episode. I thought it might be fitting, him saving April a year ago, then saving that girl, and being ready to carry out his plan that would kill April and the guys, but deciding against it. Oh well. Tell me what you think: Did I bomb it? Thanks!**


	9. Unlike Any Other

**A/N: Hi everyone! I hope you're happy that there's another update :D However, this chapter is almost as grimly as the previous one :( We have another death scene, although it's rather small, and not in detail. It is however, very important, as you will see. Now go and enjoy my pretties!**

* * *

Same As It Never Was

Part One: Insanity

Chapter Nine: Unlike Any Other

* * *

Don shook his head as the stench of mold grabbed ahold of him. His gaze turned to the source, the untouched, uneaten birthday cake. He had been unable to eat it, despite his hunger, and unable to rid himself of it as well. He still had it even though the blue, red, purple, and orange colors on it were no longer coming from the frosting, but from some kind of bacteria. And there it sat on his makeshift table, collecting flies and all other things imaginable.

Turning back to his project, Don tightened a screw. It wasn't to hard to...acquire different things that he needed anymore. He no longer had to take long trips to the disgusting dump, but instead took from other, more reliable sources. And in that time, he had created several very useful things.

Of course, he first had created himself a home. The very shed that he had leaned on for support previously now sheltered him. Nobody bothered him, nobody used it. And if anyone dared to come near...well, there were rumors of a wild, rabid animal. No one did dare to come near.

Twisting the antenna, Don stared menacingly at the screen before him. Had he had it his way, he would have one of those HD TVs that Mikey was always going on about, but he had to settle for something smaller. Even though he had plenty of abilities, and he was as stealthy as a ninja, there were some things that one could not do alone.

Licking his parched lips, Don glanced up at the clock. He tried to remember the last time he ate or drank, meanwhile slept. It had been awhile. He didn't have people on him any longer dictating what he did and when he did it, he no longer had to fight others about what he wished to do with his time. Although he was now starting to feel the effects...shell, he had felt the effects hours ago.

The hands that held the remote began to shake as he contemplated on what he was about to do. It was best for himself, to watch the enemy. And with his extensive knowledge, it wasn't hard to crack his own codes. All he had to do now was turn the power on. It wouldn't be that hard.

Slowly, his finger pressed down on the bright red button. The screen popped to life, first cracking, but then evening out. His family's home was in front of him, and he couldn't but help marvel at his own genius. Tapping into the security cameras that he installed ages ago? Absolutely brilliant.

As the screen began to clear, the image before him made his stomach drop. It was only because he was nutrition deprived, he had to remind himself that he had reasonable physical cause for him to feel the way he did, that there was no emotional attachment. But the mere sight of his family in such a state...it was almost too much to bear. The time he had been gone had done nothing to them, they still acted as if he had left yesterday. The pain etched in their faces, the comfort they tried to extend to one another that was not there. Mikey was asleep in his lab, his body leaned over the familiar keyboard that so many times had rested Donatello's head. Yes, he had fallen asleep in front of that computer numerous times, but never had he expected his brother to.

Just as he expected though, Raphael's punching bag was on the floor, torn to shreds. His closest older brother was not near it though, and was instead drowning himself in what appeared to be root beer. Don almost, and only almost, was glad that it wasn't the alternative. Although he couldn't picture Splinter allowing any alcoholic beverages in the lair, who knew what the red masked ninja could pull.

Leo sat in the dojo, like he was trying to meditate. However, his face betrayed him. The maneuver that had so often calmed him was not working, and he appeared strained. Even now, tears were dripping down his face.

Don wouldn't admit it, but he was almost afraid to find his father. Fear wanted to grip him, but he refused to allow it. What once made Donnie afraid, Don would scoff at. And so he found the man he once called Master.

He regretted it instantly. His father had lost so much weight in so little time, and he was clearly in mourning. Two pictures were in his hands, and although the camera wasn't good enough to see them, Don knew. One was of his past life, his past failures. It had Hamato Yoshi with his wife Tang Shen, and their daughter Miwa. He knew he always blamed himself for what happened, but now the pain seemed so much more real. Th facade that he had always put up for them was gone. He was broken.

The second photo was one that was much more recent. April had taken it of them, as a family. Splinter stood in the middle, two sons on either side of him. Unlike the first one, that almost had a serious, grim tone to it, this one was filled with color. Grins were plastered on all of their faces, it had been a good day. The day they had won against the Kraang. The time for celebrating was then, but now as Splinter ran his thumb over Donnie's face, the reality of choices hit Don. He had caused all of this. He was the cause of all of this.

Leaping back, Don's eyes narrowed. A harsh sound came from the back of his throat, whether it was a scoff, a cough, or something else, he did not know. Flying back into his table, Don grimaced as his hand landed in something much too soft for it sown good. Grabbing the plate, he threw the mangled cake straight at the screen. As the mess slid down, he growled. Crashing the bunt end of his scythe into the screen, he beat it until the sizzling sound of fried wires stopped. Sweat poured down him, and his eyes were bloodshot and wild. He had to do something. He couldn't watch them, he couldn't stand that kind of self torture. He had to do something else, something that he could take his built up energy on.

Racing out of his destroyed home, Don flew across his hunting grounds. How many gang members had he encountered since his first fight? He couldn't say battle, that would conclude that both sides had an equal chance. All he knew was that since he first killed those two men on his birthday of all things, he had run across some not so happy allies. Perhaps friends of the other two, nobody had stood a chance against him. He was cleaning up the streets, but doing it in a way that humans did not think they deserved. It didn't matter to him, his reputation was spreading. Everyone knew to stay away from that side of town, for if you bumped into him, he may be the last thing you see.

The crisp breeze stung his face, and a paper hit him. As he pulled away, the faint letters couldn't help but pique his curiosity. It was an attention getter if there ever was one, but he couldn't help but be satisfied. "Night of the Dark Turtle," He read aloud. The article spoke of a vigilante similar to Marvel's Punisher, taking out crime with murder. There was even a bounty on his head by the New York Police Department, one for serial murder.

The rest of the paper was illegible, having been ruined by water. Oh well, at least he would understand if things began to heat up.

There was nothing, not a sound, sight, or smell, but Don could feel the presence of another. It's hostile aura was penetrating, but it was a mere pawn. It did not understand the gravity of the situation it had just gotten itself into.

Turning around, Don faced the shadows. "I know you're there," The words slid over his lips smoothly, so much more than they ever had before. And just like that, the figures materialized before him. He knew what they were, he had always known. He just hadn't expected their kingpin to send them out to him.

"You're good Turtle," The thick accent was mingled in with a lisp- no doubt caused by the unusual shape of the speaker's mouth.

"No, not anymore," Smirking, Don glared at the mutant. "Where's your pet?" He did not need an answer, he knew exactly where the constant partner was.

"Right here," Don spoke the same time as Dogpound, sideswiping the weak attack. "Extremely cliche, if I do say so myself."

"We haven't come here to fight," Fishface acknowledged the assault, merely cocking where his eyebrow was supposed to be here. "You have caught the attention of the-"

"Shredder, I know," Swinging his Kamayari backwards, Don hit an approaching Foot Ninja. "And if he thought he could take me by force, he is sadly mistaken."

Dogpound almost looked impressed. "You Turtles have never gone down easy. If we have to use force-"

"Then you will," Don shook his head. "Tell your boss," Spinning around doing a twisting backflip, Don gutted another oncoming ninja. "That I will come to him when I'm ready. And," Moving forward so he was right in his enemies' faces. "I will come soon," Swinging his scythe around, he easily grazed one of the bones that stuck out of the mutant dog's shoulder. In the same motion, less than a second later, he dented Fishface's leg. "Don't come around again, or I will be forced to kill you. Have I made myself clear?"

Dual glares rocketed from the henchmen, but they understood. In just the couple minutes there, they had already lost two ninja and their dignity. They clearly already knew the alliance with his family had disintegrated, and Oroku Saki had no doubt already put everything together. They knew his identity, they knew he was the one responsible for the fall of the Purple Dragons. They knew he was the reincarnation of death, and that everyone feared death. The obvious, if they could incorporate him into their clan, would bring fear to all. Fear meant power, and that was what Shredder craved.

Leaving the bodies of their fallen comrades, the rest of group disappeared into the shadows. Don was once again alone, but that did not bring him the peace he needed, the peace he so craved for. However, now he could carry out with something that now pleased him. The press and the news wanted a story? He would give them one, and it would be one worth reading.

Taking off, Don took a deep breath in. Killing may not bring him peace, but at least the more he did it, the more the pain became buried underneath him. Practice made perfect, and he was practicing for something very important. The harder he became, the better h became. He would surpass all. Everyone was now game, if he found the proper reason. And so his training began, giving birth to a creature unlike any other.

* * *

**A/N: So what did you think? I used a reference from the 1987 series :D Just like new 2012 show seems to be doing. Does anybody else know what I mean by that? Yeah, you do ;) Night of The Dark Turtle, where Donatello becomes some sort of vigilante guy. Anyways, now I'm rambling, but could please tell me what you think? I would be so thankful!**


	10. To Kill Somebody

**A/N: Guten tag! Thanks for all the reviews! They mean a lot to me :) Anyways, here's chapter ten! Hope you guys enjoy!**

* * *

Same As It Never Was

Part One: Insanity

Chapter Ten: To Kill Somebody

* * *

Don took a deep breath in, wiping the blade on his scythe clean. If there was one thing he was starting to notice about himself, was that he never carried his work with him. Anything that would happen would have to be left where it happened, he could not carry that with him. Perhaps it was because at first it was like carrying the guilt with him, and he had to rid himself of it. Now though it did not matter, he did not care anymore. He had surely succeeded in very little time of not caring, of being able to bury any guilt that wanted to float around, deep inside of him. No longer did he hesitate, did he even think about what he was doing. There was no need. The things, for they were not people, that he kindly disposed of were parasites upon the earth. Parasites, as everybody truly knows, need to be taken care of. The worse the parasite, the worse the punishment. Few survived, and even fewer wanted to.

The papers called him a scourge, of course. The bounty on his head was high, he had never seen so many zeros for one person, if he could even call himself that. He was simply doing what he did best.

Turning his head swiftly, Don dropped to the ground. Swift, albeit quiet, footfalls pattered across the near rooftops. For all of his strength, for all the times he shunned fear in the face, there was nothing that he could have possibly predicted about what sent those quivers through his body. He had thought he was ready to face them, but even their silent sounds put terror in what he had left of a heart.

No longer were jokes being thrown in there, no longer were they pushing and shoving each other around as they should. They were much to quiet for their own good.

Creeping closer, he kept his eyes glued on them. All their faces, even little Mikey's, were hard and grim, their mouths pressed into thin lines. Leo looked liked he had lost weight, while Raph seemed to have bulked up. Mikey was pale, his eyes have lost thier luster long ago.

Leo signaled for them to stop, and they did. He seemed to pause, as if trying to decide what to do. "We have to find him," His voice was low, his stance pathetic.

"No," Raph snorted. "We have to stop him. By all means necessary."

Mikey whimpered slightly, clutching his nunchaku close. "Guys...I don't think..."

Leo turned to face his closest brother. "We're not going to-"

"Kill him? Leo, have you read at all what he's done?! It has to be put to a stop!"

"He is our brother! You cannot expect me to-"

"I didn't say you had to."

The silence seemed to echo. Mikey was cowering, even though the fight had been short, it had not lacked in intensity. Don knew exactly what they had meant, exactly who they were talking about. None of them seemed pleased by the situation, but they weren't against it either. His own brothers...oh well, it wasn't anything he wasn't going to eventually do to them.

A smirk threatened to spread across his lips. This was certainly one interesting game. But who would win first? Would he be the hunter or the hunted? Only time could tell.

The shadows around his brothers seemed to shift, and Don scowled. He wasn't having the Foot ruin his plans now, he was to far into them. They knew not to mess with him, but them? Leonardo? Raphael? Michelangelo? Apparently they were fair game to everyone, and that was something he would not allow.

His brothers' skills may have been good at one point, but they had seriously declined in the past weeks...or months. It wouldn't even be difficult, but if it wasn't fun, what was the point? No, Don wanted to do things his way, and nobody was going to stop him.

Slinking right alongside the shadows, Don wondered if he should just knock the careless ninja out, or slice his throat. Either would be acceptable solutions, but which one would be the best?

It took only mere seconds for the blade to slide ever so gracefully across the man's throat. His strangled gasps did not affect Don, in fact the sound pleased him. Thick, red blood dribbled down onto his arm, and he sneered. The man slumped forward, right in front of Don's brothers. Their shocked looks as the rest of the Foot scattered, and the realization that Don did in fact just save them did not seemed to register. They did recognize the signs, and Mikey almost took off right there. His bottom lip quivered, but Leo and Raph stood on either side of him. They were protecting him, even though they never protected Don. Or at least...never tried like they were now.

A small growl erupted from the back of Raph's throat. They were aware of his presence, but the previous conversation seemed almost forgotten. The goal of killing their brother was only in the back of their minds- surviving right now was first and foremost.

Despite the situation, this was not how Don wanted everything to end. No, he was adamant about going by his plan. But seeing the clear contention by his brothers, he may want to wait a little. Divide and conquer, Abraham Lincoln said. His plan would work so much better if he just bided his time...let them fall apart...and them tear them apart from the inside. It's what they did to him, and now he was going to let them feel his pain.

Slipping away, Don knew it would be a long time before he would see his brothers again. He would keep an eye on them, yes, but get this close? No, not like this. Not again, not for a long time. Not until he was ready to face them, and ready to take them out once and for all.

Watching them disappear into the sewers, Don knew they were already defeated. They knew they were already defeated. But defeating someone and breaking them were two completely different things. And Don's intention was to break them. Break them to the point where he was, where they would embrace death, but could not accept it. Where they would shun their family, and be ready to tear each other apart given the chance. His entire evolution was like yeast, or cancer. Just a little bit of it would change everything, tear them apart, slowly but surely. But first it would expand and cause unimaginable pain, making the body, the family that was left, to suffer in it's wake. And when that happened...well, they would all be like him. Alone, desperate for each other, but unable to be one of them. Distant, but keeping a close eye on all.

Time was on Don's side. Time would be like putting salt on a wound, rubbing it, irritating it, until it would finally be too much. He would just have to wait, be patient. That was one of life's biggest trials- waiting. But it was one he had conquered, among other things. Life couldn't throw anything at him that he could not take. It was one of the privileges of outside of anyone else.

A smirk spread across Don's lips as he heard the echoes of another argument. He wouldn't have to wait to long. All he had to do was calculate the variables of Raphael's rising temper, Leo's complete falling apart, and Mikey's withering personality. He could only imagine what state Splinter was in.

A part of him sighed. Why did he feel like he was going to regret all this? Why couldn't he stomach the thought of destroying those who destroyed him? It was the weak part of him, the part that surfaced every once in awhile. The part that tried to bring back his conscience. But it wasn't going to work. He already wasn't going to allow sentiment to reach into him, he was never going to feel again. He couldn't bear the pain, nor the guilt. He couldn't think about love, because it was something he did not deserve. He never deserved anything, but then again, nobody else did either.

Trudging back to the shack that he called home, Don mulled over what had occurred. He had the perfect chance to take them out, to see the fear etched on their faces, but he didn't. Why? Was he scared? Or was he really sticking to his plan? He was not scared, never scared. He could never be scared, because fear would be his downfall. And Don would never fall. It wasn't in his nature...

_ It's not in your nature to kill. It's not in your nature to take revenge. Nothing you are doing is in your nature._

Don clenched his jaw. The sappiness was starting to get to him. He needed to go kill somebody before he broke down. Anybody would do...he just had to kill somebody.

* * *

**A/N: So, Don is still torn (and at this rate will always be). And now he's turned to killing people to help him cope. Wow...what an interesting concept. Anyways, tell me what you think! I would love to hear from you!**


	11. Twisted Way

**A/N: Here's another update :) I've been doing quite a bit of that, haven't I? Well, with college in a few weeks, I want to at least finish this up, if not start on the next part to this :)  
Anyways, this chapter is different than anything I have ever done beofre, and you'll see why.**

* * *

Same As It Never Was

Part One: Insanity

Chapter Eleven: Twisted Way

* * *

Don gripped the handle on his Kamayari tightly as the cold wind blew harshly. Glancing up at the darkening sky, he grimaced. Snow was coming quickly, and he no longer had a place to stay. He had been unable to go back to his sanctum, it was no longer adequate fro what he needed. Between the fact that it was a wreck to say the least, and that it had now caught the attention of some of the apartment dwellers, he found it better to relocate. Besides, finding a place closer to where his brothers surfaced would be better. Keeping an eye on them would prove useful, even if he could not hack into his cameras at the moment.

Don felt a chill crawl up his spine. The weather was changing quickly, perhaps to quickly. He was sure to see the first snow by nightfall, and that was something he was not looking forward to. He may be warm blooded since his mutation, but he was still cold natured.

Gripping the frozen metal rail of a fire escape, Don slid down it, landing louder than he intended. The quiet crackle of a fire had lured him, but as he turned to look into the window, he couldn't help but sigh. The source had been from one of those fake channels on the television, of which it mimicked the cozy warmth of a flame. A father sat asleep on the recliner, the newspaper folded over his lap. The sounds of his children playing, two girls if Don was to make a guess, came from a lit kitchen. Their mother's humming as she pulled something out of the oven made Don twitch. The melody sounded so familiar.

"Honey?" Walking in, she looked young, probably in her late twenties. Tapping her husband's foot, she smiled as he jolted awake. "Supper's ready," Despite having just awoken, he kissed her hand, making her giggle. Their daughters raced in, laughing alongside them. The were happy, and it made Don sick.

Another crisp breeze hit Don full on, and he noted the mother shivered. "Can you close that window? It's going to make the food cold," As the father stood up, Don shot back, trying to avoid being seen. Tripping over the railing, he flipped over backwards, falling from his perch.

It was only two stories, he had leapt from higher spots before, but the sheer fact that he was not prepared was what got him. He tried to twist himself so he would hit shell first, since that's what it was there for, but it was no such luck. The crack he heard as he landed on his side was excruciating, and at first he could not even think about moving. The ringing in his ears caused him to blink slowly, and it took a few seconds before he could even breathe.

"Did you hear that?" The man's voice echoed out down to Don, and made himself sit up. His arm only dangled, and it shot pain all throughout his body. Dragging himself into the shadows, it took all of Don not to scream. He had landed much to hard on his left side, even his leg didn't want to move. At least he hadn't hit anything sharp. He would be able to walk away from this hopefully, and only have bruises left from it.

"Leave it alone, it's probably just a cat," The soft words of a concerned mother were evident, and Don could just picture her holding onto her husband's arm.

"I don't think so. It sounded...bigger," The shuffling sound of someone crawling out the window made Don cringe. He couldn't be found. He just couldn't...if it came to anything, he would have to kill to protect himself, and taking the life of a father wasn't right.

_What about your father?_

The question echoed in his head. His goal, his mission, revolved around getting his revenge. But what did that mean? He wanted his family to suffer, his brothers just like him, but what did that mean for Splinter? Death, there was no getting around that. But Splinter was a father as well, not only his, but Leo, Raph, Mikey, and even April's at times.

"Who's out there?" The man called out as he landed on the ground. At first Don thought he was foolish, coming down here when there could be gang members down here. Of course, he was worse than them, but it didn't matter. The only thing people knew about him was minimum, although his reputation carried out into the normal world.

At second glance, Don saw the glint of a pistol on the man's hip. He was no doubt an expert shot, or he wouldn't dare to come down here like this.

Shifting himself so that he could remain hidden better, Don had to hold in a moan. The grunt that resounded from it though was not intention at all- it clearly gave away his position.

"I think it's a kid Merry!" Glancing up at his wife, he quickly brought his eyes back down, scanning the darkness. "Don't worry, I'm not going to hurt you, okay?" Reaching a hand towards Don, he smiled slightly. "It's okay."

Don remained poised though, absolutely stiff. He found that he was holding his breath, but his eyes remained open. He had to make sure the man didn't come any nearer.

"Are you cold?" The answer was in the question, it was now freezing out. Even now, goose bumps covered Don's arms. Even now, in the midst of danger though, his brain went into why they did that. It was odd, it wasn't supposed to happen, unless of course there were microscopic hairs standing up. That could explain it, but how come he had never noticed it before?

A sudden touch snapped him back, and involuntarily Don jerked back. His arm hit the trash bin, and this time he couldn't hold it in. He gasped, having to bite his tongue so he wouldn't scream. It was broken, for sure.

"Harold?" The woman, Merry as Don recalled, spoke out. "What's going on?"

"He's hurt. I think he fell from the ladder."

Merry had to catch her breath. "Do I need to call an ambulance?"

Those words made Don grunt. "No," For the first time he spoke aloud. Gathering all of his strength, he stood, stepping out into the light. He was thankful that his leg wasn't in as bad of shape as his arm, but still. He really needed to keep himself hidden until he healed, at least away from the Purple Dragons.

Harold flew back. "You- you're-" He gulped, petrified.

"The Dark Turtle, in case you're wondering. Although that name is not as catchy as I would have liked, it suits well enough," Looking up at the woman in the window, he shook his head. "And if you call the police, your husband will die."

"You really are just a kid," The realization seemed true to Harold, as his eyes widened.

Don rolled his eyes. "Is that supposed to matter?" Taking a menacing step forward, he felt his leg gave way as the pressure became to much for it. Once again he fell, and this time at Harold's feet. His mind turned, so many different things could happen. He could be shot in the head, he could be pinned down.

"Merry, come help me!" Lifting Don up by his good arm, Harold approached the stairwell confidently.

"But-"

"He's not who he says he is. I can see it."

With these simple words, his young wife came down to help him, and within minutes Don was lain on the couch. His mind was blank, he could not understand their sensitivity. The one question that did keep running over and over though was, "Why?"

Harold let out a small chuckle. "Because I've seen you before. I know you're not that menace. You've saved people's lives, including my own," Wrapping his arm around his wife's waist, Harold smiled. "Helping you is the least we can do."

Don shook his head. He was a danger- a curse. But here these people, they were helping him. They didn't even know they were bringing in the news terror, but they trusted him. But why?

Because he saved a life. A father's life, a husband's life. And it meant the world to them.

Why didn't he kill him when he had the chance? Why had he hesitated? He had never before...

_Because this is different. He hasn't done any wrong. Unlike the Purple Dragons, unlike the Foot, he's the closest thing to innocent you'll find._

Peering out from the kitchen, the two girls Don had seen previously stared. They couldn't have been any older than four and five, but curiosity filled them. The oldest one grinned, one of her front, top teeth missing. It made Don bring his hand to his own mouth, and his finger could feel the space between his own teeth.

"You'll be safe here," Harold nodded. Although his wife seemed slightly unsure, if not even a little freaked out, she smiled as well. Don knew that he could trust these people, but something told him not to.

He couldn't get close. He couldn't become attached. Attachment meant sentimentality, and sentimentality meant weakness. No, he was going to do what he did best, and save himself.

The youngest girl ran up to him, and outstretched her hand. Gingerly, she touched Don's skin, and then squealed, taking off to her sister. Harold chuckled, but then grew serious. "Let's take a look at that arm, shall we?"

Nodding, Don sighed. He would wait, and bide his time with this family as well. For now, they would be a good use to him. They were tools to be utilized, exploited. Manipulated like all. He could remain distant from them, but still take advantage.

Oh yes, he would be safe here. The man owed him a debt, his own life, and Don could use that. The woman wouldn't argue, not with two little girls in the house. It was perfect, in it's own sick and twisted way. His sick and twisted way.

* * *

**A/N: What do you think of Harold and Mary? This chapter actually wasn't supposed to be like this, but when i sat down to write, it just happened *shrugs* I did need something to help span between now and- oh, wait, can't give that away ;) Anyways, tell me what you think! Thank you tons!**


	12. To Save Lives

**A/N: Here's a shorter chapter, but I think this needs it. Don't worry though, the action will be coming soon!**

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Same As It Never Was

Part One: Insanity

Chapter Twelve: To Save Lives

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"Lynnie, don't wake him up!" A hushed voice caught Donatello's attention. He kept his eyes closed, pretending to sleep, but paid close attention to the noise that had woken him.

"But he's been asleep all day!" The soft touch of a child's hand brushed against Don's face, before fingering his mask. Opening his eyes, he saw the youngest girl from yesterday standing over him. Her own eyes widened, and she jerked back, running back to her sister.

"You woke him up!" The oldest girl huffed, glancing up at the scythe that was propped up on the wall.

"Did not!"

"Did too!"

"Girls!" Merry stepped into the living room, wiping her flour covered hands on her apron. "Don't bother our guest," Sighing she shook her head. "I do apologize for them."

Don just nodded as he sat up. Although the couch had been to small to accommodate his entire body, he had slept relatively well. Standing, he stretched, yawning. Clutching his Kamayari, Don stood tall, towering over Merry and her girls. "It's...fine," Glancing around he blinked a few times. "Th..thank you," The words felt foreign on his lips. "For the help last night."

Merry just nodded. "You were lucky not to have broken your arm from such a fall."

Don grimaced. He had thought that he had splintered something, but in fact his elbow had merely been torn out of the socket. It hadn't taken long to pop it back into place, but the pain in doing so had been immense. His leg however had been luckier, with just bruises and scrapes.

"Will you join us for supper?" Gesturing to the kitchen, Merry smiled.

Don blinked. He truly had slept all day, but then again, he had been up in the wee hours of the morning. His war with the physical pain had been strenuous, but it had only been half the battle. The mental conflict between what he should and shouldn't do had torn at him, perhaps delving into his very soul. Nobody had bothered to reach out to him in months, at least not in the way he needed. He had no connection to these people, nothing held them accountable to him, or visa versa. And yet...That single word, yet, meant so much to him. And yet they accepted him. They took in all his flaws, all his downfalls, which happened to be literal in this case, and they accepted him. In a way, they were just like the family he had left behind, but even now they were so much more. Instead of looking at his problems, instead of trying to fight his battles and him headlong, they just...allowed him to be himself. In just this short amount of time, the actual warmth that came from them was rejuvenating. He had no qualms with them...that...darker side of them was leaving them be, for now at least. And for that, he was thankful.

Slowly, Don followed Merry into the crowded kitchen. The entire family was crammed onto a table that had been pushed into the corner. Harold was grinning, gesturing to a spot beside him. "Finally! Another man!" The exclamation caught Don off guard. Had he truly just been called a man? "Merry makes the best chickn' n' dumplins' you will ever taste!"

"It's chicken and dumplings Harold. Proper English, remember?" Merry smiled as she dished Don up a plate. "I do hope you enjoy it though."

Picking up a spoon, Don went to start eating. The oldest girl, of whom he had still yet to catch her name, coughed. Looking up, he saw the family's heads were bowed, and their hands clasped together. Quickly he mimicked the position, and Harold began to pray. "Heavenly Father, first of all I want to thank you for blessing us this day with an extraordinary guest. I thank you that we can return to him at least some of what he has given us, and that You have spared both of our lives. Also Lord, I wish to bless this food in Your name, Jesus. Amen."

A series of 'amens' followed suit, although Don remained quiet. It was then that they began to eat, and the conversation leapt right back up. "I never properly introduced myself," Shaking Don's hand, he grinned. "I'm Harold Paulsen, and this is my wife Merry, and our daughters, Heather and Lynn," Both girls waved from their seats across Don.

There was a silence, and for a moment, Don did not know what to say. Composing himself, he nodded. "My name is..." Don blinked. It always seemed to wind up to who he was...the question of his own identity. "I am Donatello," It was a statement, a fact. He was indeed still himself, but he had merely changed from his experiences. It's who he always would be, there was no denying that. He was finally...just finally...coming to terms with himself.

Harold smiled, and turned to his food. "So if you don't mind me asking, where are your brothers? There were four of you, right?"

Don froze, his spoon almost to his mouth. "I do mind you asking," His voice had grown deep, and he almost felt like that darker side of him wanted to rip the man's tongue out.

The entire table had grown silent, and Merry glanced over at her husband. He merely nodded, continuing to eat. "Family business, I understand. Everybody has their ups and downs at times. The important thing is that you work it out. I mean, they're all you have. What are we without them?"

Don snorted, standing up. "Thank you for the meal Mrs. Paulsen. I have to...to go out," Bringing his bowl up to the kitchen, Don saw that they noticed he had hardly touched his food.

"Be back by midnight Donatello," The words Merry spoke startled Don. "And don't get into trouble, okay?"

"He's a man Merry, he can take care of himself. It's his job to keep the streets clean," Harold waved Don on. "Go make us proud. Save some lives."

Don slipped out the window, their words echoing in his head.

_Be back by midnight. Don't get into any trouble._

Merry was concerned for his safety, worried about him. Of course, after her having to care for his wounds, he could imagine why.

_Go make us proud. Save some lives._

He owed no allegiance to him, and yet he felt like he had to carry that burden. He needed to make them proud. He needed to...to save lives...

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**A/N: So Harold, Merry, Heather, and Lynn live to breathe another day. Maybe...? Anyways, what do you guys think? I only got one review for the last chapter, so I don't know...(thanks Klytia, I do always look forward to your reviews! Thank you so much!). Anyways, thanks again everybody!**


	13. Treasured Beyond Compare

**A/N: Hi everybody! Thanks for all the reviews! I wrote this late last night, so I hope you enjoy it :D Credit to Klytia for proof-reading it for me :D**

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Same As It Never Was

Part One: Insanity

Chapter Thirteen: Treasured Beyond Compare

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There was nothing like sailing through the air, the adrenalin coursing through your body as a single miscalculation could result in your death. That was what Don was experiencing, his heart pumping, his blood hot as it rushed from his head to his toes. For that single moment, all was forgotten, nothing mattered, and the bliss was refreshing. But once his feet grazed the rooftop he had jumped to, everything came flooding back. The little peace he had experienced was gone, replaced with a black ooze that encompassed him. It was no longer a cancer that had spread throughout him, it was no longer a disease that infected him. It was him, and there was no changing that.

A small smile spread across his lips as a fleeting memory crossed his mind. The past few weeks...or months had proved more relaxing than he ever though possible. Well, in some ways. There was nothing like a well deserved food fight after Heather and Lynn had worked so hard making those cookies for him to make everything seem okay again. The sweets should have been savored, but alas, they had turned out hard as rocks. In turn, they had experienced a rather interesting battle that had resulted in a stern talking to from Merry, but once they started pelting her, it was on. Harold had come home from work with the house in shambles, cookies everywhere, and his young daughters exhausted. He hadn't even been able to carry them off to bed before they were asleep.

The three of them, Harold, Merry, and himself, had pulled together to straighten up the house before he went on his run. Despite the rather thorough job, Don was sure that they would be finding the ammo in the oddest places. He was sure the girls had hid some in an attempt that if and when they ran out, they could pull out more from nowhere.

Don took a deep breath in, feeling more like his old self than he had in months. The sheer power of having complete strangers believing in him was unimaginable, and what he was gaining from it made him want to feel whole again. It was like he wanted to be Donnie again.

Of course, the monster did not want that. How long had he actually referred to it like that? It had been ages. It had just been him...and now he made a distinction to it that he hadn't in such a long time. It made him feel hopeful.

He hadn't killed anybody since Harold's statement. His mission, at least for now, was to 'save lives'. And that's what he did. His reputation was still standing, yes, but that only made his job easier. Most gang members ran at first sight of him, and the few that stood their ground suffered. Oh, they didn't die, but they suffered. Not only was he now saving their lives, but the mostly innocent that they preyed upon. It reminded him of the days that he had done this with his brothers.

A sigh escaped him. Although no one had asked him again about his family, the question still lingered. They wondered, as they should. Harold recognized him as the 'purple one' with the 'stick', and although that showed his limited knowledge on ninjutsu, it also showed he knew their differences. The closest thing Don ever gave to an explanation was that there had been difficulties and that he was now on his own. He had to change his weapon for safety, and his mask to blend in with the dark better.

And they bought it. Just like that. No other problems, although it seemed Merry did want to 'mend the bond between brothers'. She did not say it with words, but her actions spoke louder. At first it had annoyed him, but then he grew accustomed to it. She was like a mother hen who just added the ugly duckling to her brood. As much as she cared for the duckling, she wanted to see it reunited with it's own kind.

The girls had taken to him immediately. Often times he would have barely crawled through the window and crashed on the couch, only to have those two pouncing on his chest demanding him to them tales. He had though, started teaching them some basic moves. It was more for amusement because they were so young, but both of their parents seemed to appreciate it.

And then there was Harold. The man, although young, had become very influential in Don's life. The way he carried himself, controlled himself, denying whatever had to to make life better for those around him. It was what Don lacked within his own self, the ability to control the darker part that loomed inside of him, the capacity to be able to create a better environment for everyone. It was why he listened to whatever Harold had to say- he had more wisdom than he should have.

So, he had changed, and he believed it for the good. He had gathered strength from this family that he had been unable to from his old one. It made him wonder what had ever happened to them...

Gazing over the rooftops, Don couldn't help but nearly swear. Speak of the devil, and he will appear. In this case, it was his demons, but that was just as bad, if not worse.

At this rate, he couldn't believe they hadn't torn each other apart by now. They looked haggard though. Broken. Silent as stones.

Had it been any other time, he would have either slunk away, or made a theatrical entrance. But now he was torn. He couldn't but help grip his Kamayari tightly as his mind raced with so many variables of what to do. He couldn't stand here idly, as far as he knew, there were still out to kill him. And even if they weren't, there was no way he could go to them. He killed a man before them last time, and he had a breakdown the time before.

An impossible decision to make, but it was one he had to. Turning his back, he shook his head. Maybe one day, but that day was not today. He had to continue to expunge the beast, and until then, he would have to wait. He would have to make himself better, which could only be done in the home he was in.

He wasn't turning his back on them now, no, not as he walked away. He was waiting patiently. No, he had to wait patiently. There was a difference, as there always seemed to be. Nothing could ever be simple or easy for him. One day though, one day that would all change. He cherished that fact, although he silently wished that the change would be good. There would be nothing to cherish if it all turned out bad.

Heading home, Don was calling his night done. There was no way he could focus with his mind everywhere like this, and focusing was his one strength right now. It was the only thing he had different than his dark side. And it was something he treasured beyond compare.

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**A/N: Thanks for reading! Could you please review? I accept anonymous ones in case you didn't know :D But again, double, triple, quadruple thank yous!**


	14. All Your Fault

**A/N: I'm so excited! Only 22 reviews away from 100 reviews! Thank you so much guys! I really hope you like this chapter. I kind of ended it with a cliffy :D**

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Same As It Never Was

Part One: Insanity

Chapter Fourteen: All Your Fault

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Don sighed as he gazed out over the city. It was bustling as it was supposed to, never taking a moment's rest. Every single was person was busy, carrying out their lives as they always seemed to, day in and day out. The night didn't make them slow up at all, and in fact only brought out the worst in people.

The wind blew peacefully though, almost in an ironic way. With as busy as everyone seemed to be, it was the simple things that mattered. Like a quiet breeze, or the discovery of a new life.

That's why he was out here. The family he had been staying with for so long discovered that they were going to be adding to their clutch. Merry said it meant that they were going to have four kids now, but it only made Don turn away.

He hated to admit that he had let himself get close to them. He had grown to know each of them on a personal level, and he did consider them his family. But in all that, he had forgotten that they were trying to raise their children, their own flesh and blood, and he had gotten in the way. They may trust him, and he may trust them, but he was to dangerous.

How long had it been since he had moved in with them? It had been after his birthday, but before winter had set in. Summer had come and gone now, and Don couldn't believe how fast the time had gone by. How many had gone without any bloodshed. The story of the Dark Turtle had died down, and no one knew where he had gone. Just as easily as he had struck, he had vanished, leaving no clues.

Well...that had changed tonight. Something inside him snapped because he knew what had to be done. The monster was not happy with the decision he had made, with the fact that he knew he had to leave. And so it hunted once more...

Turning around, Don could only shake his head at the sight of fallen bodies. Blood was splattered on the ground, and not one of the Purple Dragons was left alive. It truly was a gruesome sight, one that Don did not entirely remember. The creature had taken control, and he had blocked out the pain and grotesqueness of what it would do.

One of men had been split open, his organs littering the rooftop. Don could feel the heat as it seemed to seep out of the still warm body parts. It made him want to vomit, the sight, the stench, the mere thought that he had been the cause of it.

Another gang member's chest had been crushed, and the sound of bones crunching echoed in Don's ears. He could still hear the man's screams, and he could still feel the remorseless hatred burning inside of him. But as his adrenalin settled, and the monster curled back up into the shell it called home, Don began to shake. This wasn't him. He wasn't a killer, he was a builder. An inventor. But it was too late for him...he murdered these people in cold blood, something he had never thought himself capable of. But here he was, practically knee deep in their own fluids.

Sighing, he walked away as silently as he had come. He wanted time to think, he needed time to think. It was something he was allotted so little of...in his own mind. It was a battle to live as he was now, but just as he had lost control, and those people had lost their lives, the same could happen to any of the people he lived with now. And the thought them dying at his hand was too much to bear. He would rather commit seppuku right here, right now, if they were going to die because of him.

How long would he wait though? Would he not go back tonight? Would he have a long farewell? Would he write a note and disappear into the sunset? He had so many choices, and he hated making them. He always failed as making choices before, why did he have to now? Why did their lives hang in the balance? Why did this have to be so much like before? Why?

That single question...it was a curse. All his life had been was questions, and that was something the word hate couldn't even describe. He loathed that, he despised it. He wasn't himself any longer, he was just...existent. He didn't believe in what he did, he didn't even like it. It no longer satisfied him, because it never truly had. Killing had been the monster's thing, and it still was. But it wasn't him, and it never would be.

Merry said she was shocked to find out how far along she was. Twenty weeks, already half way through her pregnancy. In twenty more weeks their child would be born...but it would never meet Don. It needed a life of security, of stability. It did not need a man killing mutant living in its house, it needed safety. And that was why he had to leave. To make sure their family was safe.

Glancing down at himself, Don knew he had to get cleaned up before going back. If either Harold or Merry saw him like this...well, the questions would rise again, and he avoided that like the plague.

Slipping into some person's apartment window, Don locked the bathroom door and turned on the shower. It seemed whoever was home was either not paying attention, or assumed that it was someone familiar using their bathroom. Whichever the case, Don was thankful for the peace.

With his skin soaking wet, Don flew across the rooftops, staying far clear from the bodies. It made his trip longer, but it was definitely worth it. As he neared his temporary home though, something red caught his eye. The bouncing head of his hot headed brother was bounding just a street away, but Don could feel the anger coming from him. Whatever had happened wasn't very pretty, and it had caused something drastic.

It would be highly unwise to approach Raphael at this moment, but Don felt drawn to his brother. It had been months since he had last seen him, and he longed to be in his company once more. Although...the last time he had seen him, it had not been so pleasant.

It did not matter. Raphael represented some form of stability he had ages ago, something Don craved for. Maybe...just maybe...no. He could not even fathom it, no matter what he wanted.

Glancing back up, Don realized he had lost Raphael. His brother was gone, and who knew how long it would be before he would see him again.

Something slammed up hard against him, banging him against the rooftop shed. Fists pounded his face, and Don recognized the fighting style. Grabbing his brother by the wrist, Don flipped him hard onto to his shell. "I don't want to fight you Raph!"

The red banded turtle jumped to his feet, pulling out his sais. "A year Donatello! It's been a year since you left!"

Don blinked. A year? A year had passed already?

"We know what you were doing! It's not right! You...you killed people!" Raph was boiling in an anger rage. "How could you?"

Lifting his hands up to surrender, Don's shoulders dropped. "I know Raph...I...I don't know..." Looking into his brother's eyes, Don bowed his head, signaling that he was ready for whatever punishment he deserved.

"Donnie?" That one word, despised by the monster, but welcomed by Don flooded his sense. His brother recognized him.

"A lot has happened since...well...everything."

Raph's face flushed. "A lot has happened," Clenching his hand into a fist, he posed to strike. "And it's all your fault!"

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**A/N: Thanks for reading! Could you please review? I accept anonymous ones in case you didn't know :D But again, double, triple, quadruple thanks**


	15. Just A Little Family Reunion

**A/N: Here's a new chapter to you my lovelies! I really do hope you enjoy it and review! I'm 11 reviews from 100, and if I got there from this chapter, oh my goodness. You have no clue what that would do for me. Anyways, enough of my rambling. Enjoy the insanity!  
MAJOR WARNING: ALLUSIONS TO CHARACTER SELF-HARM!**

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Same As It Never: Origins

Part One: Insanity

Chapter Fifteen: Just A Little Family Reunion

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Don cringed, leaning against the shed's wall. He could feel blood trickling down his face where Raph had first started punching him, and he could taste the salty substance in his mouth. Freezing, he kept his hands raised at chest level, trying to make himself as less of a threat as possible.

Raph's own hands were shaking, and he lowered his fist. Looking out over the city, he sighed. "Donnie, what has the world come to?" His face was crestfallen, his eyes glazed off. "I mean, I don't even know if I'm dreaming right now or not. You know, I have dreamed about us meeting again. I dreamed every single night. And you know what? It was different for each one, but the same. My favorite though...my favorite was that you came back home. That you had fixed whatever was going on, because that was what you always did. You fixed everything," Raph sighed. "I believed for so long that you would come back and fix our family. That you could pull Master Splinter back up from the grave he had dug...that you could put a smile back on Mikey's face...that you would stop me from fighting with Leo..." Tears poured Raph's face, but Don didn't know what to do. Should he offer a comforting hand? Should he tell him that he could fix everything? That he would do his best? "It's too late now," Raph stood up straighter, wiping away the tears that now stained his cheeks. "It's far too late. It seems that...like you...my anger got the better of me. I can't go back. I can't live with them...knowing with what I've done."

"Raphael-"

"No, no Donatello. It's too late for me. For you...for all of us," Turning around and staring his brother in the eyes, Raph shrugged. "I guess this is how it was meant to be. We should have never been mutated, never been turned into a family, because we aren't. We never should have been, if this is what it was to come to. I hate it. I hate life, I hate myself, I hate everyone. I hate you," Cocking his head, Raph didn't even seem sincere- it was like he was just stating facts. "You know what though? I can't die. I can't, I've tried," Flashing his wrists, Don let out a small gasp. Scars covered his brother's wrists, scars that he had inflicted upon himself. "See? I can't die. But then I figured I didn't deserve to. Not after what I've done..." Raph shook his head, and Don recognized the sign of defeat. Of loss. Of pain. "I wish this were real though. I wish I could actually stand here and talk to you. The new Don though, the Don that took over my little brother, he would have killed me in an instant. He cares about life less than I do. It's pathetic, really. I just wish someone could end all of our suffering..."

Don sank down, looking up to the person he once called brother. "Do all of you want that?"

Raphael didn't even hesitate. "More than anything in the world. I...we...just want it to be finished. Honorably, so as not to disgrace Master Splinter."

Don nodded. "I understand."

Raph's head snapped up. "No you don't. You don't understand! You can't understand!" In a flash, a blur, he leapt toward Don. "I hate you! I wish I never knew you! You ruined everything! You destroyed our home, our family! Do you understand that? Can you even fathom what you've done?! It's over! Everything is over! Nothing will ever be okay!" Again his fists flew, but Don did nothing to stop them. He deserved it. It was appropriate, suitable for what he had done. And so he let his brother's wrath flail upon him, and every punch, every hit, every strike and jab, he did not move a muscle. The pain was excruciating, but he took it. Not bravely, not cowardly, he just took it. And as his tears mixed with the blood from his face and from Raphael's bloody knuckles, he knew this one thing in his life that he actually did right.

The beating didn't last long, just enough for Raphael to vent out his anger. But as the red masked ninja stood, his eyes were wide. "This...this isn't a dream..."

Don coughed, pushing himself up into a sitting position. "No. No it isn't."

"What have I-" Raph's face was frozen in shock before he snapped back to reality. "Not again...not again...I swore never again!" Running past Don, he leapt onto the next building, never turning back, never looking back, only running. His words echoed in Don's mind. Not again? Never again?

Wiping the blood from his nose, Don limped down the stairwell. Slowly, but surely, he made his way back to the Paulsens. So much for cleaning up before getting home. Yeah right...home. Home was supposed to be where the heart was, and heart still lay with his family. The monster had ruined that, had destroyed that, but he was going to fix it. He was the fixer, as Raph had said, it was his job. He had to make everything right.

The only question that remained was how. How? How could he fix everything? How could he save his family from himself? Not by doing nothing...he had already failed in that.

The monster that he had subdued, the creature that he had fought to stay down so he could see his brother began to rise in Don's chest again. The idea it bore was crazy, insane. It would end their suffering, yes, but it was a cruel way. It wouldn't allow him any other path, but at least he could save them from himself...at least they would be able to rest in peace.

Or pieces, the monster seemed to snicker. Crawling its way up through Don's throat, he choked, before feeling its insanity creep into his mind once more. It was intent on staying this time, it wanted to see his family fall apart. That was his mission, no? No...not his...its...that was its mission.

And now their mission was a mixture of what they both wanted, it whispered. He could bring what they needed, and in turn please the monster with finishing off its assignment.

Crawling through the apartment window, Don almost ignored Merry and Harold's stares. The cruel look in his eyes was unlike the Don they knew. He was covered in his own blood, wounded beyond what they could have ever imagined. His quiet whisper was heard though, and sent shivers down both of their spines. "Just a little family reunion."

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**A/N: Thanks for reading! Could you please review? I accept anonymous ones in case you didn't know :D But again, tons and tons to thanks to you guys! Means absolute bunches to me :) Until next time, toodles!**


	16. To Fix Everything

**A/N: Well, I updated sooner than I thought, but oh well lol. Ten reviews away from 100! Thank you so much guys! Anyways, I hope you like this chapter. **

* * *

Same As It Never: Origins

Part One: Insanity

Chapter Sixteen: To Fix Everything

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"Don! Don!" The words were shouted, pleading for him to open his eyes. His body felt beaten and battered, he didn't want to move, but the insistence just kept growing stronger. "Please wake up!" Somebody was pulling at his hand, their tender fingers entwining with his.

A slight nuzzling in his neck made his eyes snap wide open. Heather was crying in his shaking uncontrollably. Lynn stood behind her, tears dripping down her face. At first Don felt a mild irritation. He had been up late last night, and had suffered under the hands of his own brother. And now he was to be disturbed? The other part of him was worried- was something wrong? He had to remember his priorities, and as long as he was here, it was these two girls. They were the sisters he never had, and with their youthful innocence they did not judge like so many others.

"You're not dead!" Lynn squealed, pouncing on him. Don moaned as her knees collided with his chest. It was quickly made up for though, as she kissed her fingers and place them on his bruises. "Kisses make boo-boos not hurt anymore."

Don only half heartedly chuckled. The action, though with good intentions, sent bile into his mouth. Splinter did the same thing when he was younger, back when Don thought he had cared.

Blinking, Don rubbed his head. Everything felt clouded, fogged up. It felt like...it felt like when the monster had first snapped. Like when he had attacked Mikey...

Looking at the girls who pretending to doctor him up, Don felt his heart begin to clench. He wasn't going to hurt them like he had the others. He recognized them as family...and so the monster recognized them as family. And it was its mission to destroy his family. But he wasn't going to let it hurt them. Not them...no...

Merry stepped into the living room looking very cross. "Girls! What did I say?" Almost immediately they stepped away from Don, staring at the floor. Merry couldn't help but sigh, and she pointed to their room. Taking off, they weren't a bit sorry. "I apologize for them," Putting her wrist over Don's forehead, he flinched. He could vividly see the scars on Raphael's... "No fever. That's good," Running her hand over her slightly bulging stomach, she smiled softly at Don. She actually smiled...even after helping to tend to his wounds the night before, even after clearly being able to see the change in him. The change of the monster...it was surfacing again, he could feel it. It wanted full control. It wanted the freedom it had before he met Merry and her family, the freedom that had no reservations to what it did, the remorse. It wanted to consume Donatello and be one again. It loathed the distinction that Don had created between them. The distinction that had once been so prominent...now it was being torn, shredded apart of by the creature. It was taking away his identity once more and leaving him to suffer in darkness, unable to rise without the help of another.

"Merry..." Don spoke softly, and held her hand. She knew he was going through something, but he never spoke of it. He never spoke of anything, and they knew very little about him. But yet they still welcomed him into their home. He was a part of their family. "I need to speak to you and Harold. It's..."

"Important," Merry nodded gravely. Don knew that she understood the gravity of the situation, and that something was building that could affect them all. Standing, all Don could see was the strength that held her together. It hit him that she had been put through many things herself, harsh things that had torn and broken her. Only a miracle, her own strength, had brought her through it, making the person that everyone saw today.

Following her into the kitchen, Don limped to the table. His leg was killing him, but the pain was nothing compared to what he was fighting mentally. He knew that if he did not come clean now, there would be no explanation for his leaving. He would have to choose his words carefully though, and leave the last memory of him with this family. He was sure, when push came to shove, he was not going to live much longer. He could not, not with the monster inside of him. The little bit of sanity he had left had to be used to end it once and for all and bring peace to his family.

Harold saw the look on both of their faces, and immediately knew something was up. He nodded at Don, and handed him a cup of coffee. The smell reminded him of all the late nights he spent in his lab, tinkering, inventing, building. Back when he enjoyed living, back when he was happy with his family.

Sitting down, he stared at the black liquid that sloshed around in his cup. No cream, no sugar, just plain black. He could't have it any other way, because even though he hated the taste of it all by itself, it represented him. Completely alone, absolutely bitter. One day though, one day he could have it how he used to. It's tan color from the overdose of cream, sugary so that it downed the coffee flavor, and sitting only half full on his desk while he typed endlessly on the computer. He would figure out another mathematical solution, and be excited about it. The next morning, on his thirtieth cup of coffee, he would ramble on and on until his entire family had grown bored, but his excitement would not cease. Then, when he applied what he had learned to some new machine, they would all realize what he had done. Something like Raph's Shell Cycle, or the Shellraiser, or something else. Then they would all be happy with him.

One big happy family. Was it too much to ask for?

"My life has been very weird the past year and a half," Don started. "I don't know how much you guys believe in...the odd things of the world, but the oddest has happened to me...and my family," The words ran over tongue, and actually voicing them...Splinter, Leonardo, Raphael, Michelangelo, and April as his...as his family was something he had not done in eternity. "I was...taken by the Kraang, an alien race," Don turned his head, staring at the floor. "And they...they did things to me."

Merry covered her mouth, horror in her face. Harold held her hand, but he stared at Donatello. He could feel it to, his eyes, the gaze, it was much like Splinter's. Caring, but willing to hear him out.

"I escaped, of course, but it was too late. My brothers had been searching endlessly for me...and they finally found where I was being held. We met in between...they were battling the Kraang, and I had just slipped out of their grasp. We got home, and I actually believed I could heal. I didn't know how wrong I was."

Grabbing his hand, Merry stared into his eyes. She opened her mouth, but couldn't say anything. Her eyes spoke everything though. He didn't have to continue, if he couldn't, it was okay. They understood.

"You only imagine what kind of nightmares I started having...different. I think...I'm sure it was of the future. It's blurry now, and as time passes, I forget more of it. It would have been important if I had written it down, so that I could avoid all this. It would have stopped everything..."

"Everything?" Harold's question was a sure one, but it was one that Don couldn't necessarily answer.

"The thing that gave me glimpses of the future...whether born from my own ninjutsu knowledge of chotei...mediation," Don corrected himself. "Or a side effect of the Kraang I'll never know. What I do know though, is that it changed me. I...the monster. It was at TCRI."

Merry choked. "How...it couldn't...that was you?"

Don nodded. "We...together, my family and I reversed with the same Kraang technology that made me into that. Or so we thought...it still lives within me. I...I've put your family in danger...and I am so sorry..." Tears began to spill down Don cheeks. "It controlled me for a while...and like the dreams, I know something bad happened, but the memories slowly leave me. I suppose that's a good thing...because I'm not sure I could live with myself if I knew what it was doing..."

"The Dark Turtle," Harold's face grew still, hard even. Merry's hand jerked back from Don's, almost horrified. His gaze once again fell to the floor.

"Then I met you guys. It...the meeting...something different..." He gripped the edge of the table. "It sent the monster away...for a while. But," His voice cracked, and he clenched his jaw. "It's coming back. So I'm leaving before I hurt you like I hurt my family. I'm going to...to end it all. I'm going to fix it, to make it alright."

"Don!" Merry found her voice, but she was clutching her husband. "I..." She faltered, unsure what to say. Don knew that. One couldn't say that it was alright, that everything was going to be okay. But once again her eyes spoke volumes.

"End it?" Harold stood, grabbing Don's forearm. "Don, you can't- leaving like that is not an option."

"My brother begged for it last night. He spoke for them all...they want it finished. I'm the loose end, the fifth wheel. I have to end it for all of us to make it right. I can feel it...I'm losing the battle against it. So I have to make the decision while I still have control. I have to what is best for them...and for you. "I will not let it hurt you, or the girls. That's why I have to leave."

Harold took a deep breath in. "I...understand. I just wish it wasn't like this."

"Tonight," Don cut in, looking down at Merry, the thought of her unborn child's heart beating in her womb. "I'm leaving tonight."

"What?" It was simultaneous, coming from both of them. The disbelief was evident.

"The sooner the better. I have to finish it."

Merry's let out a very shaky breath. "Then let me at least prepare a last supper."

Don nodded, closing his eyes. It was all out now. He was as bare to them as a newborn child, and they could do whatever they wanted to him. Harold seemed stunned though, the thought of a murderer sitting in his kitchen every day, playing with his girls, and everything else. He was in shock, at the very minimum. It wasn't like Don could blame him though. He was a monster, and he didn't deserve to live. That's why he was going to fix everything.

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**A/N: So, this is where I beg for reviews. I'm so close to 100! It would mean the world to me! Thanks though, for at least reading :) It is very nice. Although reviewing would be awesome too ;)**


	17. To Take Them Out

**A/N: Hi everybody! Here is Chapter Seventeen :D Thanks so much for the support! I'm already only five reviews away from 100 :D You guys are the best! Anyways, here's to you! *toasts* Now go read this depressing fic...it almost made me cry, and I may write an alternate oneshot to it.**

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Same As It Never: Origins

Part One: Insanity

Chapter Seventeen: To Take Them Out

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Don sighed, but smiled for the girls. The kept asking him why he had to leave, if it was something they had done, that they didn't want him to go. He didn't tell them why, they wouldn't understand. They were to young.

Merry had prepared an astounding dinner, but it had been like eating cardboard and swallowing sandpaper. Everyone had been silent, and Harold even more so. Don wanted to curse at himself, he should have done this differently. He made the wrong choice again. He should have just disappeared and left them to worry...

Bowing his head, Don thanked them for the stay. The girls knew he wouldn't be coming back, and although he tried to dry their small tears, it didn't work. They wanted to go with him, but that was something none of them would allow. He had a mission that he did not expect to come back from.

As Don started to slip out the window like he had every other night, Harold put his hand on his shoulder. "Wait," Waking to his and Merry's room, he came out with something dark. Lifting it up, Don could clearly see it as a black trench coat of sorts. It was heavy duty, built to last a lifetime. "You'll use it more than I will."

"It won't be used for long. It would be better for you to keep it," Don didn't say exactly what was going to happen, but they knew. They all knew, and even the girls got quiet. They were beginning to understand they were truly never going to see him again, no matter how much they wanted to.

"No," Harold forced it into Don's hands. "I want you to have. For...keeping my girls safe."

Nodding, Don dawned on the coat. It was comfortable, and roomy, large enough for his shell. Being pitch black, it would blend in with the shadows when needed. "Thank you."

Merry swallowed, giving Don a hug. "I just want to be safe...but..." The but was all that was needed. He couldn't be safe, not with what he was going to do, and only he knew the details behind it.

Kissing Heather and Lynn on the forehead each, Don shook hands with Harold, and stepped out. This night, though so alike to all the other ones, was much different. Storm clouds rumbled in the distance, and Don couldn't help but think at how cliche that was. This wasn't a movie, it wasn't fiction. This was life, and it was his last mission.

Racing along the rooftops, Don passed by many familiar spots. Not familiar from the past year, but from different moments with his brothers. Here, their first pizza. There, their first battle real battle with the Kraang. They had been laughable then, unable to act like a team. But they worked out their problems. Until he had been to weak...unable to fight...and had been captured.

The monster roared in amusement at his failures. Every street, every leap, it only reminded him further. And as he felt his walls crumbling, Don let out the last few tears that were in him. And as he cried, he laughed. The force that he held against the creature was no more. His strength for fighting back was gone, and it knew that.

He had to remember his family. He had to remember his failures and use them to his advantage. What was it Raph had said? He wished that someone could end all of their suffering...that they all wanted it...more than anything in the world...they wanted it finished. And he would finish it for them all. It was the best way, the quickest way.

And he hated it.

His destination was in sight. He had completely ignored the people from there, but he did owe them something, and yet nothing. He only hoped he was making the right decision. If the monster supported it...and it did...then it meant that he was wrong in it. But it was too late now. He couldn't stop. He wanted to, he wanted to turn back, to crawl into the sewers and to wish everything back to how it had been. He wanted to be welcomed back into his family's arms. The creature was in control now though...and as it poised almost heroically, its dark bandana flowing in the wind, the confident look on its face, and its Kamayari laying threatening on it back, Don cried on the inside. He had no more control. He was out of the game. But his death too would come quick. It was predestined.

Pushing the large doors open, Don was greeted by lackeys of his enemy. Instead of attacking though, they drew back, giving him his space. He practically walked right up the man he needed to see.

Shredder's room was ore like a palace, with a throne included. The man sat high, staring down at everyone. He glared at Don, but waved off the Foot that had accompanied him.

Standing, Shredder slowly walked down the steps to greet Don. His face was burned, scarred from some horrific event that he could only imagine what had happened. "Donatello, I presume. You have changed much."

"Enough with the chit chat. We have business that must be discussed," Don snorted. The monster had no respect for Shredder, and merely saw him as another pawn. Don couldn't believe what had come out of his own...this man had given his father a run for his money. Of course...he had as well...

"You ignore me and my men for months, but I kept my hands off of your brothers. What do you want now? You killed my men for fun, but I have been patient. So do not get that tone with me!" Shredder growled at Don, and leaned toward his face.

Pushing Shredder away, Don knew the move was risky. The monster did as well, but he could feel it leaching onto him. It had assumed it did not need him any longer, not with such a plan. But each plan has its inconsistencies, and the monster now realized it needed what was left of Donnie to continue its path. And so they had to be one again.

Don didn't accept it fully, but he allowed it. There was nothing left to live for, he was going to die alongside them anyways. Maybe not beside them, but with them. Raphael said they wanted it finished...and this was how he could finish it.

Don sneered. "You want to find Hamato Yoshi. I know where he is."

Shredder cocked an eyebrow. "I am listening."

Leaning in, Don began to speak of the home he hadn't seen in ages, of the family whose both love and hatred now ran deep, and how easy it would be to take them out.

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**A/N: So, this is where I beg for reviews. I'm so close to 100! It would mean the world to me! Thanks though, for at least reading :) It is very nice. Although reviewing would be awesome too ;)  
But what did you think about this? Should I write an alternate part? Where Don actually goes back to his family? Because at this rate...it's not going to happen. This is SAINW ORIGINS, remember? *sighs***


	18. Into The Nonexistence

**A/N: Well, I'm sorry this one is short, but I do hope you like it. I do have to post a warning though. Watch out :S This has some uh...suicidal tendencies.**

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Same As It Never: Origins

Part One: Insanity

Chapter Eighteen: Into The Nonexistence

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Don clenched his jaw, sitting silently. The talk with Shredder had gone exactly to plan, exactly to how he thought. The villain had sent his men out to confirm what Don had said, and in the meantime was treating him like a guest...or a prisoner.

Excitement almost seemed to buzz around the place as they got a call in about it being positive. Shredder merely nodded at him, before leaving him alone.

Or at least, that was his first presumption. With the entire building now strangely quiet, Don realized that he was being watched. Shredder had left behind his special weapon.

"Why did you do it?" Karai's voice filled the silence like water bursting from a dam. "I mean, they're your family. You never betray family, no matter what they've done," Her last sentence held some substance to it, and Don realized it was not easy for her to be Shredder's daughter. But like she said, she believed they were family.

"Because they asked me to."

Karai let out a slight gasp. "It's a trap! my father is walking into a-"

"No, not a trap," Don sighed. "It's a death wish. My..." He couldn't even bring himself to say the one word.

"Family," Karai replied disgusted. "You sold your family out because they wanted to die? Are you insane?" Don merely looked up at her, and she cocked an eyebrow. "I guess you are," Putting her sword back, she shook her head. "I mean, whatever happened to you? You were more laid back from your brothers. You were the genius, right? I guess it just got to your head."

"The Kraang," Don huffed. "It was the Kraang."

"Oh. Aliens," Karai nodded, but there was a strange look on her face. Like she knew something... "Right. Nasty little vermin, don't you think?"

Don didn't say a word, but merely looked out the window to the darkening sky. How appropriate that it storm on this day. "So when are you supposed to kill me?" He asked solemnly, ready to accept his fate.

Karai almost seemed stunned. "Kill you? After what you did to father's men?" She shook her head. "You gave us vital information. You may prove to be a valuable ally in the future."

Don blinked, letting that sink in. "What...?" He murmured in disbelief. "But I thought..." Turning quickly, Don grabbed Karai's forearms. "You have to kill me!"

Trying to pull away from Don, Karai's eyes were wide. "You really are insane!"

Don completely ignored her. "Please! I'm begging you!"

Tearing away from Don, Karai placed her hand on her sword. "Don't make me..."

Shaking, he collapsed to his knees. "End it...just end it..."

"End it yourself," Karai spat. "Now leave," Gesturing to the door, she towered over Don's pathetic form. He practically crawled out, his mind blank. This...this was not supposed to happen...he was supposed to die...he had to die for his family...he had to...to end it.

Lightning crackled against the dark sky, illuminating the dark shape that leaned on the tall building. The thunder was so loud it shook the ground, and all Don could do was cling to the bricks, using them to support him. He had signed his family's death warrant by hand, and yet he was left live. He could not live, he could not breathe with that on his shoulders.

Seppuku. It was the only honorable way out. It wouldn't take much. His weapon wasn't built to do it correctly, slicing his stomach wide open, pouring out his organs, and dying, but maybe it would work. He could just slit his throat. He had done it countless times to others, what would it be any difference to himself?

He hadn't even realize he had scaled a building until the lightning surprised him. He stood alone, the rain pouring, the storm building in intensity. Everything was pitch black, even with the lights of the city. The wind howled against him, it's moaning and groaning screaming out at him like the family he had murdered. They were no longer his family, not after what he had done. He could hear their cries, their screams of pain in the tempest. It echoed up from the sewers, filling his head. Their tormented wails tortured him, even if there was nothing there. He could hear it. He could feel it. And even as he closed his eyes...he could see it.

Lifting his head to the sky, Don cried out. He screamed until his voice was hoarse, until not a sound came out. And even then, he called out. His pain was to be heard before his life was cut short.

His legs slowly brought him towards the ledge of the building. The lightning flashed and he peered over, looking down to the concrete below. It beckoned him, welcomed him. It called out for him, begging him.

Don shook, the cold water splashing on his skin. He was soaked through and through, everything he wore weighing him down. His equipment, his coat, everything. But his heart was heavier...and he owed it to his family.

He took a step nearer the edge. He stood exactly on the brink between life and death, ready to take the plunge.

And then he was falling. Just like that, he was plummeting down. For those few seconds, it felt like everything was right again. Nothing existed except for him. There were no thoughts, no monster, no beast or creature leeching onto him. It lay dormant since it believed its work done.

The concrete came closer and closer, the ground pushing up to him as he fell to it. This time he welcomed it, he was thankful for it.

The moment he hit the bottom, pain ruptured throughout his body. His head hit the pavement, and his entire form practically bounced back up. Lightning filled the sky once more, and rain poured into Don's eyes. Slowly he closed them, welcoming the darkness. There was no war, but no peace. He surrendered to it, disappeared into it. Into the nonexistence.

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**A/N: I have 105 reviews, thank you so much! You guys are the best! Keep them coming! Thank you!**


	19. Never Again

**A/N: With the last chapter short, this one is long. I just hope you guys like it :D And no, I am not a LeoxApril shipper in case this chapter feels that way.**

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Same As It Never: Origins

Part One: Insanity

Chapter Nineteen: Never Again

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Pain. That's all he could feel was the pain. His head, his body, everything. Slowly he opened his eyes, only to have them blinded by the bright light of the sun. He squinted, moaning. Carefully turning to his side, he coughed. It was harsh on his throat, which felt very dry. Standing, his thought began to start making sense, and as he looked up to the roof building, he cringed.

He had fallen. Or jumped, either seemed a possibility. There was a guilt that was encompassing him, one that he couldn't pinpoint. It didn't matter though, what had caused him to lay on the concrete. He was lucky to have landed on his shell, which has absorbed most of the impact. His head was bruised fairly bad, and his bones ached, but he was alive. It would be considered a miracle that it didn't even seem that he broke any bones.

It was early morning he assumed, by the position of the sun in the sky. It burned everything in its wake though, being oddly enough hotter than usual. It was probably just his imagination.

Or perhaps not. He could smell the blistering flames of a fire, but what was odd was he heard no sirens. There should be sirens.

Peering around the corner, he let out a small gasp. What had happened? It looked like a mob had torn through here...busting every single window, stripping all the doors off. It was practically deserted now, hardly a soul around. The few were rummaging through the garbage, searching for one thing or another.

He had to repeat himself. What had happened?

Looking back, his throbbing headache began to cease. Flashes of betrayal were followed by flashes of lightning, and of falling. Oh, the falling was wonderful. It was when he hit the ground that all the pain started.

Rubbing his head, he sighed. No, it started before that...as he searched through his mind, the locked memories began coming back. Betrayal was the least of of what he had done. Abandonment, murder, lies. He was lower than the scum of the world, the worst of the worst.

A scream caught his attention. One of the people who had been searching through the remains was being pushed and prodded by...the Foot? They held odd looking guns do her head, which was unlike the ninja way.

In one blast, she was dead. Just like that. No remorse, no emotion. They just moved on to their next victims, who had scattered and hidden the moment they had come out.

Her sudden death made him bite the inside of his cheek. He could see others faces as he towered over them, delving the killing blow. The horror etched onto them...

The purple blast that had been used to kill the woman was no doubt Kraang in origin. But that would mean that Shredder would have made an alliance with them...they would be unstoppable. With his...his family gone...

Don inhaled sharply as tears dripped onto the hot pavement. He couldn't even die right. He had been so close, why did he have to come back? Why couldn't he join them, and be rid of the monster? They could be a family in death...since they couldn't be in life.

Shaking, he punched the building beside him. His knuckles cracked hard, but it wasn't hard enough for them to break. His skin was torn though, and blood seeped down. How long had he been out? Long enough for all of this to happen.

His eyes flashed open. April...was April okay? The last time he had seen her...Don cringed. He had to know she was okay. Without his brothers to protect her, without Master Splinter to give her training, she could be killed. The Kraang wanted her anyways.

Racing throughout the various alleys, he made his way to her apartment. The quickest way would be through the park, the only piece of New York City that was supposed to be untouched by man. Now though, as he gazed over it, most of it was burned. There was a small patch though, where the green leaves still fluttered in the wind. It drew him in, and he found himself leaning on the trunk of a sturdy oak.

A sniffle snapped him out of his daydream. Ginger hair stood barely ten feet away from him, her arms wrapped around herself. She stared at a large hole in the ground, tears pouring down her face. She was trying to be as quiet as possible, and she glanced around occasionally as if on lookout.

Dirt flew up out of the hole, landing on the large pile beside. Besides the scraping of a shovel, there was no other noise. Breathing out silently, Don watched. April was okay...but what was going on?

A green hand shot up, and someone pulled himself up out of the hole. His eyes were glazed over, but not how one might think. They had a blank look to them, and the usual ocean blue that came up from them had been replaced with a pale creamy color.

Slices ran over his hardened face, his mask completely gone. It wasn't like Don hadn't seen Leo without his mask before, but he just seemed so...bare without it. Watching his brother walk over to April, he leaned down and picked something up. It was wrapped in some bedsheets from head to toe, but his tail was out, dragging along the ground.

It was Master Splinter. Splinter was dead...and Leo was not...how had Leo survived? His brother seemed blind...but his wounds were older.

It was then that Raph's words echoed out to him. Never again...had he been the one? Was that why he couldn't go back? He had blinded Leo? His own brother?

Lowering Splinter into the grave, Leo turned, staring at the tree Don hid behind. His gaze had nothing to it, but his face told Don he knew. His shoulders slumped down, and he turned back to the grave. April leaned into his chest, and he put a protective arm around her.

"Goodbye..." She whispered, looking from Splinter's body to Leo.

"Oyasumi chichioya. Yoku yasumu," Leo responded. Don cringed at the words, but found himself mouthing them.

Good night father. Rest well.

Taking a deep breath in, Leo grabbed the shovel and began to pour the dirt over his father. Don had no clue how he seemed to know where everything was, how he seemed to sense, to feel what was there. It was his sixth sense, what so often seemed to make him the better ninja. Don knew that if you lost one sense, the others were heightened, but would that mean the same for that unknown sixth one? He knew Don was there, that much was evident, but he made no move to go to him. But he couldn't blame him...not after all what he had done.

All Don wanted to do was run up and hug Leo. They were brothers, and always would be. And he could do that now...but seeing Leo's blank stare...how could he? It wouldn't make things right...things would never be right...

Leo deserved to live. Don deserved to die. Why hadn't he died? To be able to fall from such a height...and then walk away several days later? With no medical attention at all...it was the monster. The creature that had caused all of the problems in the first place was keeping him alive. It was like Mikey had said before...it was the Hulk. You couldn't kill it. It couldn't die. He couldn't die. He could feel pain yes, but not die.

"We'll find him Leo," April practically whispered. "He's still out there. You can't give up."

"Shredder has my brother and I can't do anything about it," Leo stood stoically. "I can't do anything for Michelangelo without harming him," The extended name...it was what Splinter would do.

"Or you," April murmured. "We can't let him die. Not by Shredder's hands."

"Shredder has already taken my father! My brothers are gone! What more do you want?!" Leo cried, bending over slightly as if burdened. "It's better if it was all ended..."

"Leo, you don't mean that!" April reached out and put a hand on his shoulder, but brushed it aside.

"I watched my brother become a monster," Leo said, and Don cringed. "I watched my father wither away into nothing. My own brother blinded me, and is as good as dead for all I know. Mik- Michelangelo is gone. There is nothing I can do."

"That is not the Leonardo I know!" April shook him. "You are a strong warrior! You are a leader! You will live for your father's honor!"

"Lead who?" Leo's tone grew very darker. Throwing his head in Don's direction, he spat. "Him?"

"Who?" April looked to where Don had been standing, but he was gone. All she caught was a fleeing glimpse of his black coat.

Don barely heard Leo's last words. "Leave him. He's just a coward who not only abandoned but betrayed his family."

Don ran as fast as his feet would take him, not caring that it was broad daylight. The few people that were out had no chance against him, and would know that. The menacing scythe, the look in his eye. He was a monster.

The creature bubbled within in him. His family was not destroyed, not yet. It wanted to take Leo out, despite the pathetic state he was in. It wanted to hunt Raph down and gut him right there. It wanted to find Mikey and kill him before the Shredder could.

But Don didn't want to. He knew his old self was still there, his more innocent self. The one called Donnie was still fighting against the beast...but there was not much strength left. He had to save Mikey while he still had control.

Shredder would take him to the old church he called home. How ironic. Torture...in a church. The basement would provide plenty well enough dungeon. And Don knew how to get there...he could save Mikey. He could. And he would.

It didn't take long to get back to Shredder's fortress. Getting there however was easy, it was getting in that would be difficult. Whatever Shredder was doing, whatever had caused all of New York to fall apart in such a swift way, he had to be guarded. He was the cause of it, and he had made an alliance with the Kraang. He had to be guarded because of the mobs. But they probably didn't expect him, Donatello, to come barging in. He had the element of surprise. The one who betrayed his family only to turn around and save them.

Scaling the building, it didn't take but a few seconds to take out the guards. He pushed their bodies off of the building, watching them fall like he had only days ago. Hopefully some of the people would find them and be able to get their own form of pathetic justice.

Using the the large ventilation shaft, Don crawled into the building. He dropped into the attic, and made his way down. Foot Ninja were everywhere, but he knew he couldn't alert them. There were to many. He would have to wait in between their shifts. He only hoped he could to Mikey in time. He had to save his brother...he just had to. He had already deserted him before, he had already turned his back on him with his betrayal, but he wasn't going to do it again. Now he understood why Raph said never again.

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**A/N: My hopes are to actually finish this story by tomorrow. Wish me luck with a review ;) Thanks!**


	20. Prepared To Fight

**A/N: This chapter was going to be longer, but I had to cut it short cuz of my sis. Anyways, here ya'll go!**

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Same As It Never: Origins

Part One: Insanity

Chapter Twenty: Prepared To Fight

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Slipping in between shifts was easy enough, it was just that time was of the essence. Don could feel his heart clench as every minute passed, and it seemed that hours had gone by. Maybe they had, but he had no way of telling time. Slowly and surely though, Don made his way further down. So far he hadn't seen any of Shredder's top lackeys, nor had he seen Karai, but that almost made him afraid. If they weren't here, where were they? The dungeon? Were they with Mikey?

As Don got closer and closer to the underground, a scream shook him. He almost shouted his brother's name out, but it took everything in his willpower not to. He used to be a ninja, and ninjas were silent.

Sliding down to what he assumed was the basement, Don was surprised how large it was. Hallways went down and down, seemingly forever. They must have stretched out into old sewer tunnels. It made him realize how close they already were in finding them.

A door creaked open, and Don was caught in the tunnel. There was no where to hide but another room. It was his best bet, but it was a dangerous one.

Slipping into one of the other cells, Don kept the door cracked. Shredder's loud boots clanked down the hallway, but it wasn't in frustration. He had no reason to do to Mikey what he was doing, he was merely amusing himself.

Someone behind him moaned, and Don almost jumped out of his skin. A young girl was crumpled on the floor behind him, her body broken and bruised. Lifting herself up, she shook, coughing. Her long blonde hair fell past her shoulders, touching the ground. She shook, bringing her eyes up to meet Don's.

She didn't even look a little surprised. She just slumped against the wall and stared at him. Those crystal blue eyes bore into him, and he inwardly cringed. There was no way he could leave her behind.

"Stay here, okay?" Don extended his hand, and she didn't flinch. "I'll be back with my brother, and I'll get both of you out."

She took a deep breath in, but nodded. "There's two of them..." She whispered, keeping her eyes locked with Don's. "The red one and the orange one."

"Raphael," Don murmured. "He has Raphael and Michelangelo?"

She merely nodded. "The orange one is across the hall."

"I could tell," Don replied, and she cringed.

"The red one is two doors down. Master Shredder wanted him close enough to hear the orange one, but far enough that they couldn't support each other."

"Master?" Don cocked an eyebrow, looking her over.

A cough rattled her, and she shook. "Just get your brothers. They need you."

Don was not sure whether he could trust her or not, but what other choice did he have? "If you're lying...or if this is a trap..." Lifting his Kamayari to her throat, it frustrated Don that she showed no fear.

"You'll be doing me a pleasure."

Opting to ignore her, Don wheeled around, and slipped out of the room. It took only a few steps to get to where Mikey should be, but when Don opened the door, he wanted to vomit. Blood was sprayed all over the walls, both dried and fresh. Mikey hung almost lifelessly on the wall like a trophy. One arm was mangled badly, and his entire body had cuts and burns all over it.

Slicing the chains, Don caught Mikey in his arms. The only response he got was a moan, and that terrified him. All he could do was moan? His left arm just swung, and it was evident it was broken badly.

"Raph..." The single word escaped Mikey's lips, as Don held him.

"We're going to go get Raph, okay?" Don shook as he felt his little brother's body tremble. It probably would have been wiser to go get Raph first, but Don couldn't leave Mikey now. Not here, not when the Shredder could come back.

Lifting Mikey up, Don cradled him. He used his foot to open the door, and slunk down the hallway. Two doors down, the girl said. And there he stood, with the barred wood in front of him. It could be trap, perhaps set for Leo with the thought that he would try to retrieve his brothers. Don doubted Shredder knew he was blind, Leo hadn't had a scratch on him. He probably had hidden, the coward, while Shredder mutilated their father and stole their brother.

He could barely open the door with Mikey in his arms, but he managed. He was slightly surprised that all the doors seemed to be unlocked- it was almost as if Shredder was daring those he had captured to try and escape.

The girl had been right. Raph was chained up in a similar position to Mikey, but he was very conscious. "Donnie?" He wasn't sure whether Raph was relieved or angry. "Mikey!" He practically shouted as he realized the small form in Don's arms was their younger brother.

"Shut up idiot!" Don snarled, trying to keep his voice as low as possible. "Shredder was just here."

Raph looked like he wanted to retort back, but he kept quiet. His glare however, spoke more than words.

Placing Mikey carefully on the floor, Don began to unchain Raphael. "I could just leave you here you know."

Rubbing his wrists, Raph stepped out of the shadows. "I know."

Don was speechless, and it wasn't because of his brother's words. Dried blood was caked on the left side of his face, appearing to have dripped from where his eye should have been. It was gone, a hollow emptiness glaring back at him.

"Don't stare. It's not polite," Raph muttered, lifting Mikey up. Don tried to take him from him, but Raph just glowered. "I have him. He's my brother."

"You have no more right to claim him as that than I do. You abandoned him as well," Don had almost said that they both had left him...but then that would make him even more guilty than adding his 'as well'.

"I said I have have him. We'll have to fight to get out of here, and you're the only with a weapon, genius," Raph shook his head.

Don nearly rolled his eyes, but opened the door. He peered out, but saw nothing but emptiness. "Come on."

Raph followed closely, but did not understand why Don stopped only a few yards down. He was even more confused as he opened the door, extending his hand to someone.

There was no smile on Don's face as the beautiful girl accepted his help. He merely nodded, and the four of them moved on. A whisper from Raph told Don immediately why she had been tortured though.

"Thanks for help. It's been appreciated," The long word, and coming from Raph, was a shock to Don, but he knew that she had assisted him, and maybe even Mikey. If they lived through this, he'd have to thank her.

Climbing up the stairs, Don stood in front of the others, his Kamayari drawn. The silence was deafening.

Holding Raph back, Don went forward. The entire hall was filled with guards, but they were simple ones. As long as an alarm wasn't tripped, they would be fine. Not the guards...Don chuckled to himself. Raph and Mikey. And that weird girl.

He moved as quietly and as swiftly as he could. In mere moments, they were down. They never even saw him coming. Signaling the others, Raph looked sickened. He glanced at the blood dripping down Don's scythe, and he it was like he realized Don had killed people before. Sure, he had known, but it seemed so much more real now. The girl however was almost as green as Don himself.

They were almost there. Don could taste the freedom. Just a few more corridors...

"Hey!" Karai's voice echoed out across the hallway to them. She had her sword drawn, and she was prepared to fight.

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**A/N: My hopes are to actually finish this story by tomorrow. Wish me luck with a review ;) Thanks!**


	21. Maybe A Nightmare

**A/N: I'm posting this at 5 in morning, so please flame all you want. I'll probably go back and totally change this anyways.**

* * *

Same As It Never: Origins

Part One: Insanity

Chapter Twenty One: Maybe A Nightmare

* * *

Don sneered at the young kunoichi. The blood of her soldiers had already whet the monster's appetite, what was one more?

Karai, however, paled before him. "You...you're dead!" She shouted from across the walk. "I saw you myself!" Backing up to a wall, she shook her head. "You jumped! The cameras caught it on tape! There's no way you should be alive! It's impossible!"

Don just grinned. "If there's one thing you should note," Swinging his scythe, Don stood protectively in front of the others. "It's that I always break the impossible."

Karai's eyes widened. She licked her lips, and almost looked like she was going to run. Instead, she gripped her sword, and sent Don one of her famous death glares. She wasn't going anywhere.

"Make her suffer," Raph murmured. "Make her pay."

Don happily obliged, throwing himself forward. He was at a disadvantage though- despite how efficient his weapon was, it was too long. Karai easily dodged his attack before making her own. Her sword barely nicked his side, and his eyes widened - no one had been able to touch him in ages.

"You wanted to die Donatello? You've gotten your wish!" Lunging, Karai went after him full force.

"Raphael! Take Mikey and-" Staring at the girl, he ground his teeth. "And her out of here! I'll join you!" Flinging Karai back, he gestured to the door.

She growled, attempting to go after Raph. He was weak after all, and carrying the weakest of them all. The girl did not matter, she was irrelevant. Not nearly as important. "You'll be joining them in your deaths."

"Pathetic Karai. I don't think you've ever killed before in your life," Don smirked. "I on the other hand," He didn't need to finish his sentence. It was evident...one was going to die.

Staring at each other, both gripped their weapons tightly. It would be foolish to make the first move, since the other could read their opponent so clearly. And so they sat there, patiently waiting for who knew how long.

Don wished that they could have their battle right then and there - It was something he looked forward to, ever since he had first seen her. He despised her, right then and there, from the moment she had popped into their lives and turned her back on them to fight the Kraang. He had hated her ever since, and would even after she died at his hands.

The roar of the Shredder caught his attention. He may be able to to take down Karai, and even Shredder, by himself, but both would certainly be a challenge. And any other day he would be for it, but right now he had a mission to complete. He had to get his brothers to safety.

Pulling out a trusty, simply device, Don threw the smoke bomb on the floor. The air filled with the sulfurous smell and purple smoke, and with that quick distraction, Don disappeared. He hated evading, and he swore to himself that one day soon he would slice their throats. But as much as he wanted his to avenge his vendetta, his brothers came first. At least...while he had the strength to save them.

They actually hadn't gotten too far. Raph's wavering stamina combined with Mikey's thrashing fever had slowed them down, but the girl hadn't abandoned them. She was doing what she could to help them, but it wasn't much.

Grabbing Mikey from Raph, Don pushed his way to the roof. The other two followed close behind, finally breaking into the sunlight. Turning to Raph, Don cocked an eyebrow. "Can you jump?"

Raph was trying to catch his breath, still winded from running with his own wounds. There was no telling how extensive they were, but and he always had a way of hiding their severity. "Yeah..." He breathed, gazing apprehensively at the the space between them and the next building.

"Jump?" The girl's eyes widened.

"It's jump or go back to the Foot. Your choice," Don retorted. She nodded in response, then backed up and took off running, vaulting the space between the two buildings. It was something she clearly had never done before, and she didn't even hesitate. Don had to admit he was impressed. It was admirable.

Glancing at Raph, both brothers took off. They hadn't leapt across rooftops together in forever, and certainly not like this. Not on the run, not from the Shredder. Not like this at all.

Those few seconds in midair were just like when Don had jumped to die his supposed death. Now he leapt to live, and carried his brother along with him. It was ironic how the same thing could become polar opposite.

To say he landed gracefully would be a gross misconception. He wasn't used to carrying someone, and the moment his foot landed on the concrete, he felt the pressure. He had sprained it, but he had to keep moving. He had to be oblivious to pain, at least for Mikey. He couldn't be weak, not now.

"We can't be out in the open," Don stated, looking at a nearby shed. "We have to hide, now."

Kicking it Raph style, Don broke the door open. Raph and the girl followed in silence, and there they sat. The escapees heard the Foot Ninja pass by, but apparently they were idiotic enough to not even consider the blatant hiding places near their base.

"Why isn't Dogpound sniffing us out?" Raph whispered to no one in particular.

"He's gone," The girl replied. "He and Fishface were sent on a more important mission."

Don breathed out a quick sigh of relief. Despite the situation, they were lucky. Luckier than others who had come in contact with Shredder at least. "We have to play it safe," He stated. "We can't leave until nightfall, and even then we have to watch it."

Silence ensued. Four beings to share a small shed for the next eight hours at least - it seemed impossible, but they had to do it if they wanted to live.

The girl set to looking Mikey over. She seemed to have a bit more medical expertise than Don, which was surprising, but welcome. There wasn't much he could do, not now.

Glancing at Raph, Don shook his head to himself. "So what you been up to?" Don blinked. He was stunned to hear such casual words come from his hot headed brother's mouth.

Don sighed inwardly, but kept a straight face in front of Raph. He was a curse upon their family, and he couldn't act any less than that in front of him. "Oh you know, the usual. Taking out Purple Dragons, Foot Clan. Jumping off roofs and falling to what you hoped was your death," The tone was so indifferent that, had it been anybody else, Raph would have thought he was joking.

"Sounds like the life."

Don couldn't help but chuckle. The whole situation was just too weird. It wasn't right...too much like a dream. Or maybe a nightmare...

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**A/N: My hopes are to actually finish this story by tomorrow. Wish me luck with a review ;) Thanks!**


	22. The Monster Inside

**A/N: I'm sorry, I know it's been a couple weeks since my last update...but I've been struggling with writer's block big time. Well, more like a total lack of inspiration. Anyways, I do hope you enjoy this chapter.**

* * *

Same As It Never Was: Origins

Part One: Insanity

Chapter Twenty Two: The Monster Inside

* * *

Flying up, Don took a deep breath in. How could he have fallen asleep in a situation like this? The last thing he remembered, his body was on fire, and Raph was drifting. Mikey's fever had begun to drop, and he was finally resting. By the time Don had figured that the girl, whom he still had to learn her name, was not a threat, she had fallen asleep as well.

Gazing around, Don noted that sunlight no longer filtered in through the cracks. It was night time, his domain. And now with his body up to par, he should have no problems protecting his family.

"Gah!" Don clutched his head, falling to his knees as a sharp, penetrating pain pierced his brain. As it began to cease, he struggled to breathe. Again, it attacked his mind, boring it's way through. It was the monster...it wanted control...and it wanted it now...

A soothing hand was placed on his own. "Are you okay?" The girl's eyes were wide.

Shaking his head no, Don clenched his jaw. It was mind power against brute strength, and brute strength was more forceful. In the end, offense always wins against defense. Donnie had been defense...Don had to be offense.

"Just take a deep breath in," Clutching Don's hand, she squeezed it tightly. "And take just focus."

Confidence. Confidence in him...it was what he needed. The monster was still there, but right now he had the power to fight it.

"Better?" The calming voice ran over him, putting his being to ease like Splinter had so many times before. "Good," She smiled. "We need to hurry. Michelangelo's arm is..." She cringed. "I've done what I can but..." She could not find herself to say the words. "I don't have the equipment I need."

Don nodded, trying to fight and ignore the noose tightening around his control. "I...know a place..." He whispered, his voice cracking. "An old place of mine..."

She nodded, smiling at him. She had perfectly straight, gleaming white teeth and sparkling blue eyes, like the sky in summer time. She had some a calming feel about her...she reminded him of April in a way. Maybe she possessed the same thing his old friend did...or maybe she was in a category all to her own. Whatever it was, it was good. "We need to get a move on," She murmured, glancing at Mikey who had started moaning again.

Don nodded, shaking as he tried to stand. Pushing Raph with his foot, Don tried to wake him. His red banded brother stirred, his one eye opening. The other remained tightly closed, but Don could see some blood ooze ever slightly from it. It wasn't a good sign. "We're going, now."

Raph nodded slightly, but made no effort to get up. He blinked slowly, his face crestfallen. He had been defeated- there was no purpose for him. Nothing left to live for.

"Raph..." Mikey moaned, his eyes tightly shut. That single word...hearing his name being called out by his own brother...Raph moved rather quickly at that. Holding Mikey's hand tightly, he cringed as his little brother flinched.

"You have to save him," Raph's voice didn't indicate a demand...it was more of a plea. A desperate plea for the life of the only person he had left. Mikey had always been there for everyone, he had always been the glue, but now he was broken. Raph could not stand to see his brother in such pain, that was evident.

Don could only nod. Opening the door, he was surprised to find it so quiet. Not a soul stirred, there was nothing. Maybe it was to quiet, maybe it wasn't, but he had to get his brothers to safety.

Despite being weak himself, Raph insisted on carrying Mikey. Maybe it was because Mikey had called for him...or maybe he still didn't trust Don. Either way, all four headed out into the darkness.

This was Don's territory. He knew where he was, where the best of everything was. He just had to get them there...

It had been a hustle to get down the building, but once they had, traveling became much easier. The girl kept a look out while Don led them, but both worked together in making sure Raph and Mikey were okay. Raphael was being stubborn as always, refusing help for either. He was determined to see Mikey through to the finish. The movement however had caused Michelangelo's fever to spike again, and Don could only watch in horror as pus seemed to form around his arm. Infection had set in...

"Look what we have here," A deep voice chuckled, jumping down from a ledge. Dogpound's long snout twitched as he smirked.

"Brother turned traitor turned brother again?" Fishface's metal legs clanked against the ground. Several Foot Ninja stood around them, each one holding a different weapon.

Don's heart jumped to his throat as he clutched his scythe. It suddenly felt very heavy and very foreign in his arms...it didn't belong with him. He was a master of the Naginata, not the Kamayari. He was defense, not offense. He was Hamato Donatello, Donnie by his brothers, not this...monster. He was not dark or evil, but...that single word. But meant change, and change he had. He may not be a warrior...he may have held a weapon that he didn't know how to use...but the monster did. If he could tap into it just long enough to get Raphael and Michelangelo to safety...just long enough...he had to.

The wall he had been building, the wall that he had kept and fought to keep up against the monster was let down. It was something that the cruel part of him lusted after, to have no control, but to control all.

It roared, it's glowing red eyes narrowing down onto its attackers. It knew if it made the wrong move, Don would push him back, but he could shed enough blood...do enough things that Donnie would not do...Don would no longer have control. And so it did what it did best.

One second, fear had encompassed him, the next he was fear itself. He flung himself towards his enemies, making sure that he kept himself in between them and his brothers. The monster didn't like it, but it had no choice.

Don heard the gasp from the others as he gutted the first man. Blood poured him, spurting all over Don. Collapsing, the ninja licked his lips as the red liquid dripped from his mouth.

Facing the others, Don swung as two rushed him. A sickening crunch was heard, and Don couldn't even believe his own eyes. He had to look away, he had to block that memory. The man's head rolled to his feet as the other fell on his side, his arm completely gone at the shoulder.

Only two others remained, besides Fishface and Dogpound, and one of them was shaking. As Don took the blunt end of his staff, he pushed one of the men, and he slid in the sticky blood that coated and covered the concrete. It was slick, and even Don found it difficult to stand.

The man was panting heavily, looking at the others for support. The only Foot left took off, and Dogpound and Fishface were no where in sight. "I guess it's just you and me," Don smirked.

"Please," The man begged for his life, bending over as Don's blade drew closer to his neck.

A scream echoed across the streets, and Don wheeled around. Mikey lay face down in the blood, and Raph was pinned down by Fishface's metal foot. Dogpund held the girl high above the ground by her hair, chuckling as if he had already won. Raph looked helpless, Mikey was as good as dead...tears poured down the girl's cheeks.

Mikey moaned, sputtering, but Don froze, not sure what to do. Slowly smiling, he stood up straighter, staring Dogpound in the eyes. Pulling several shuriken out of his coat, Don spun, letting them fly. One sliced through the girl's hair, making her drop to the ground. The others slammed against Fishface's legs, making them short out. The fish man fell over, releasing Raphael from his grasp.

As the girl fell to the ground, Don flew forward, kicking Dogpound in the chest while he was distracted. The mutant fell backwards, growling as he slipped on the spreading blood. The girl scooted away as fast as she could, leaving Don to his duty.

Punching Dogpound in the face, Don spared no expense. His Kamayari was no good up close, which meant he had to rely on his physical prowess...something he was never the best at. He had to dig in deeper...relying on the creature, the beast.

Dogpound got several good hits in, but Don spun around, hitting him in the knee. The mutant buckled, crying out as it snapped. Lifting his scythe, Don went to make the final blow.

Don had done nothing, but Dogpound fell forward, landing at his feet. The girl stood shakily behind him, a concrete block in her hand. "We need to move as quickly as possibly, and as silently as possible," She sighed.

The monster twitched, but Don fought to bed it back down. She had ruined its kill...but not Don's. It was not his kill, and he had to move on as quickly as possible.

Glancing around, Don fought the urge to vomit. It sneered at him, merely thinking that he should be used to it by now. The monster saw him as a coward, but he couldn't help it. He did what he could to save his brothers.

Fishface was unconscious, a large bump forming on the back of his head. The girl was definitely pulling her own weight...in a war that she didn't deserve to be in. She was fighting alongside them although she didn't have to...risking her own life to see them through, and she didn't even know them. "Yes, we," Don sighed as he looked at the pathetic forms of his brothers. "My brothers and I. You need to leave."

Her face dropped, contorting in an amalgam of horror and confusion. "But..."

"It's for your own good," Don reached out hesitantly, touching her shoulder. "Your safety depends on it. They are after us, and if you stick with us, you are going to regret it. You were already so close to losing your life," He sighed. "I know what I've done tonight is not right, but I don't want your blood on my hands too."

For a few moments she stood there as if in shock. She was trying to sort through what he was saying with her own emotions and feelings, her own fears of being alone again. There was logic mixed with instinct, and they were both colliding against one another.

"Just go," Don looked around to the empty, torn apart streets. "But don't get killed," He whispered.

Blinking, she stood tall in defiance, but walked away with a regality that Don hadn't seen before. Sure she was a mess, but she was proud of what she had done. She was going to go find her own path in this crazy world, and Don knew that was not going to be the last time he heard of her.

Turning to his brothers, Don helped lift Raph up. His brother, who was once so strong, now shook like a newborn baby. "I got it," Raph pushed him off, stumbling a few steps, but stood his ground. He went for Mikey, but Don beat him to it, lifting their little brother up carefully.

Now as long as nothing else got in their way, maybe he could salvage the last bit of their family. All the while fighting the monster inside.

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**A/N: Please review! Reviews give me inspiration, and inspiration feeds my mind, which pumps out new chapters!  
On another note, I have now started college!**


	23. His Other Choice

**A/N: Hi everybody! I stayed up later than I intended for you guys! So I hope you enjoy this chapter :)**

* * *

Same As It Never Was: Origins

Part One: Insanity

Chapter Twenty Three: His Other Choice

* * *

Stumbling slightly, Don took a deep breath in. Mikey had become very heavy, and Raph was falling behind. They had to pick up the pace as Dogpound and Fishface would be on their trail soon, but none of them had the strength to move faster.

Raphael's exhausted sigh caught Don's attention. "We're almost there," He nearly added bro as they used so affectionately called each other, but he barely bit his tongue in time.

His brother did not respond though, merely trudging behind him. A cough rattled his chest, and he clutched ahold of a nearby building for support. Don wished he could carry him, he wished he could be the support he needed. But he had Michelangelo in his arms...

"Get on my shell," Don practically commanded, his voice quiet enough not to echo down the quiet street. Raph just stared at him, wheezing in the smog filled air. Pushing passed Don though, Raph brushed against his shoulder.

"I don't need no help."

"That's a double negative," Don looked at his brother. "The negatives cross each other out and become a positive."

"And?" Raph huffed.

"It means you need help," The two stared at each other, but neither made a move.

"Stick it in your shell Donnie. We just need to get Mikey to safety," Raph turned, continuing to walk even though he did not know where they were going.

"Raph," Don stuttered slightly as he heard his old name. "We're here. We have to get to the top," He glanced up at the building. He had set up various places when he had stayed with the Paulsens...just so that if things got a little bit crazier than he intended, he could care for himself without Merry freaking out. His different holes had come in handy on several minor occasions, but he had never been prepared for something like this. Never anything like this...

Raph moaned, much like Mikey would have if he were conscious. "If you insist..."

"You can stay down here, alone, if you want," Don cockily through that at his brother, waiting for his response.

"If you think I'm leaving Mikey alone with you, then you really are insane," Raph ground his teeth, glaring at Don. For that one small moment, it seemed like he was the younger brother, and Don the older. Pushing passed Don again, Raph began to scale the building. "Don't you dare drop him," He huffed as Don began following him up.

"I wouldn't dream of it..." Don whispered to no one in particular. It would be a nightmare come true, and that was one thing he could not deal with. Raphael reached the top first, and as neared neared it, his older brother held his arms out for Mikey. As much as he didn't want to, Don obliged, handing the feverish Michelangelo to him. Finally pulling himself up, he stared at the old shed that had helped him so many times before. He was just relieved that it appeared untouched.

The twitch came back, the little tick that beat on his head. His pounded, and Don grimaced. Now was not the time for the monster to try and surface...but unfortunately, it knew that. He was already physically and emotionally drained, his moral was low, and he had to put all of his strength in saving his brothers. What was left to fight the creature that lived inside of him...the creature that lived with him? That was him? He had to be strong. He didn't have a choice...

Needles. He needed needles...and alcohol...alcohol would help...glancing up at both of his brothers, Don tried not to gasp. The pain in his head was throbbing, the noose growing tighter around his self control.

Mikey's wounds were worse than Raphael's...but Raph's would be quicker...and if something happened...no, he knew now. He had to move quickly. If he didn't...he was going to lose his brothers at his own hands.

Pulling the alcohol out, Don gestured for Raph. "No," He murmured as he put Mikey on the ground. His face was downcast, his exhaustion evident. He plopped down on the floor, resting his back against the wall. "Mikey first."

Licking his lips, Don shook his head. "You have to be able to watch over him," Don regretted his words instantly. How could Raph watch Mikey with just one eye? No...he would have to. "Trust me Raph. This one time in your life, I'm asking you to trust me on this."

Raph narrowed his eyes, but was too defeated to argue. "But..." His head dropped. "What do I do?"

Don took a deep breath in. "Lie down. It's going to hurt...bad."

Raph gulped, but acknowledged, shifting himself so that his body was parallel to Mikey's. He reached out subconsciously grabbing his little brother's good hand for support, and squeezed it tight.

Taking a very deep breath in, Don placed Raphael's head in his lap. Holding the eyelids open, he poured the vile content of the bottle down. Raph had not expected it to be like that...his body jerked upwards, and Don used his arm to pin his brother down. "I don't have an anesthetic! You have to take it!" Don tried to keep his voice down, but the static in his own mind was taking over.

With the gaping hole now cleaned out as well as it possibly could be, Don knew the next part would be trickier. He needed something...anything to help his brother...nothing was sterilized, nothing was perfect, but he had to try. He reached for a stick, perhaps the broken end of a an old hoe or shovel or something, and shoved it in Raphael's mouth. "You're going to have to bite hard," Don commanded. There was no doubt in his voice, although he had it within himself.

Raph did as he was told, but that did not stop the pain. Don didn't know what was worse- the first stitches, or the last ones. He had to pull it tight, making sure that nothing could get in there. Even though the hole was gone though, there was an indention.

Raphael was breathing very heavy, his body sore. He had tried not to thrash around, he had tried to remain as still as possible. It hadn't helped. His face...it felt contorted...like something wasn't right...he was never going to get used to that. Don could see the disbelief on his brother's face as it dawned on him what had been done. He would always be a handicap.

The coils that were around Don's skulls were tightening ever closer, and with a few quick stitches, he sewed up the the patch that covered Raphael's eye. People may no it was missing, but they didn't have to see the depression, to know where the hole was. That there was a hole and that he wasn't just blind. He could give his brother that much.

Don's stomach was in knots as Raphael's blood was on his hands. Either way, good or bad, it was on him. It was his fault. It was always his fault. No...he had to fight those thoughts...it was the monster who was talking...

Moving Mikey's arm, Don felt nauseous. His doctor mode only lasted so long...and it was seriously dwindling now...the arm was broken in many places, and shattered at the elbow. If it had any chance of being salvaged, it was long gone. His worst fear had set in...infection. It explained the fever. Infection could lead to gangrene, and that would result in the loss of Michelangelo.

The only way to save him was to remove his arm. If he could do that and stem the blood flow, he might live. The timing had to be precise, he could not afford anymore loss. He would die, if it didn't throw his body into shock first. That could kill him as well. And then there was post traumatic stress...Mikey could die afterwards if he didn't handle losing the limb well.

It was a long shot, and one that he could not take alone. Turning, Don's shoulders dropped as he saw Raphael watching his movements. "What's the diagnosis Doc?"

"It's his arm or his life," Don stated, doing his best not to show his fear. He was the monster of legends, he was to be despised.

"'Nuff with the act. I need details," Raph titled his head, eyeing Don. He couldn't take it, not Raphael watching him like that. Collapsing to the ground, Don choked.

"The chances of him making it..." Don forced the words to come out. "Are slim...and the only chance is if I take his arm..."

Raph nodded slowly. "And if we let him die?"

"Then it will have to be by your hands," Don refused to lay one hand on his brother like that. "Or let him suffer through infections."

Raph blinked, his eye having lost all hope. Don recognized that look...it was the same one Leo had. There was nothing left to live for, except each other.

"Then take it. I...I can't let him go like that...Take his arm..." Raph looked up at the roof, tears going down his cheek.

Don's mouth felt dry, and he had nothing to swallow. It had to be done now...he couldn't wait...Pulling out a sharp knife, Don grunted as he began placing it near the best part. There was no joint there, but it was right above the break. He could...he could do this...

His hand jerked unwillingly to near Mikey's neck. The monster wanted his family to die...it wanted him to kill him...he couldn't...he couldn't do it...

"I...I..." Don searched for his words, staring at his brother. He felt light headed, dizzy. He couldn't do it. He had to get away before he killed them...he couldn't do it...

As his body swayed, he placed the blade in Raph's hand. "You...you have to...I'm not the brother...he needs you..." Don finally gulped, looking dead into Raph's only eye.

"But-" Before Raph could get another word out, Don stood. He clutched his scythe carefully, and grabbed the door handle.

"Remember that what I did was for the best," Don felt himself tilting as he swung the door open. He could hear Raph trying to scramble to him, but he was too slow. Don had to get away fast...fast enough that he couldn't hurt them...that he wouldn't hurt them...now now...

He always ran from his problems. The few time she had faced them headlong, people died. So what choice did he have? His brother's cries for him remained unanswered as he disappeared over the rooftops.

Raph would do it. He could save Mikey's life, he could bring him back to health. But the silent screams were the worst...knowing that Mikey did not have the ability to vocalize his own pain...he couldn't.

Gazing up at the moon, Don's vision crossed. He had failed them. He had failed them when they needed him the most because he ran like the coward he was. To protect them, he failed them. But what was his other choice?

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**A/N: Please review! Reviews give me inspiration, and inspiration feeds my mind, which pumps out new chapters! Whoop!  
On another note, I have now started college! Double whoop!**


	24. No More Pain

**A/N: Oh my goodness, another update so soon? I hope you guys like it :) PLEASE review!**

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Same As It Never Was: Origins

Part One: Insanity

Chapter Twenty Four: No More Pain

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Don ran as fast as his legs would carry him. He was weak, yes, physically, mentally, emotionally, but it didn't matter. He had to put as much space between him and his brothers as possible. He had to do what was best for them. He couldn't kill them...they were brothers. His brothers.

His legs burned, his chest felt like it was on fire. He panted, and his pace slowed.

_It's not too late to go back now. To finish what you started so long ago._

Clutching his head, Don choked as hot tears began to spill down his face.

_Don't be such an idiot Donatello. I'm just trying to help you. You can't fight me for forever._

"Leave me alone!" Don shouted, his voice echoing over the empty city. Falling to his knees, he sobbed. "Why can't you just leave me alone..."

_You know why. Because I am you, Donatello. I may not be your best side, but I am stronger side. You're to give in sooner or later anyways. You need the strength. My strength._

"I don't need you..." Don moaned, rocking back and forth. "You are a monster...I'm not a monster..." He clutched his stomach, and his body convulsed like he was going to vomit. But he hadn't eaten in days- there was nothing but the nasty bile of stomach acid. It burned his throat and his mouth before spewing onto the concrete. It coated the lining in him, eating through everything. It was so bitter...

_Of course you need me. Without me, you know you would die. We need each other._

"I didn't need you before! You're nothing but a parasite!" Don screamed, the back of his throat raw.

_That's harsh, real harsh. Oh well, you'll learn soon enough. Just think about it. If it hadn't been for me, your brothers would have died at Shredder's hands. At Dogpound's hands. They could have died._

"Mikey is going to die! Don't you understand? I don't see how he can live!" Slowly standing, Don found himself sitting down on the ledge. "He's going to die...my baby brother...and it's all your fault. You'll never be able to convince me that it isn't your fault. Our fault...you betrayed them to the Shredder!" Don stared out at the city, wiping his mouth. He felt dizzy, like he was going to topple, but he had to prove himself. He was strong without the best.

_Whoa, you can't pin that one on me Donatello, _It almost seemed like the monster chuckled. _That was all you. Your choice to end your family's suffering. I just didn't interfere. That was you. You betrayed your family. You are a monster._

It was true...please say it wasn't true...He did...he betrayed them...he blinded Leo...he killed Master Splinter...he tortured Raphael and Michelangelo...it was all him. He was the problem. And he couldn't...he couldn't even die...oh, hoe he wanted to die! To end everything!

The monster didn't do anything but laugh. It was cruel, but Don's humiliation had done enough to bide him. He was going to let Don chew on his thoughts as he always did, to let him suffer in his own mind. Don knew he truly was insane now- he was talking to himself. He had truly lost it. Did he really think he could fix everything? What was he thinking? He wasn't...he was letting his emotions drive him...but he had to contemplate everything. He had to know his next move, he had to figure everything out in advance. Everything had consequences, and he had to know them. To study what everyone was doing first so that he knew later on...so that he could make the right choices...choices dictated life. He had to dictate his life. Not the monster.

Mustering up all of the courage he could, Don used it as his strength. Memories...painful memories...family memories. He had to use them. He had to remind himself of who he was fighting for...

But he couldn't. He could not think of his family without weakening. They were his Achilles' heel. Every time he saw their faces in his head..it only reminded him of his failures.

Master Splinter, placing a solid paw of his shoulder, tell him how proud he was. And then he was in the ground...dead because of him.

Leonardo, helping him formulate a plan agains the Kraang. And then he was blind...sightless because of him.

Raphael, working beside him on the Shellcycle. And then his eye sealed shut by his own hand...handicapped because of him.

Michelangelo, sending him a high three as they opened up to another game level. And then him sick with infection...armless no doubt now, all because of him.

He was a failure.

The sun began to rise over the rooftops, and Don could only sigh. With the warmth of the day, the monster seemed to retreat, strongest at night. Maybe it was because he was used to being nocturnal. But...it was a slight weakness, maybe one he could exploit. He couldn't use it for long, but he could use it. He would use it to his advantage.

It had been hours...hours since he once again abandoned his brothers. His heart clenched as the thought of Mikey dying...from blood loss or infection or anything else...he wished his brother was okay. He yearned to know.

If Raphael was to go somewhere, it would be to April's. It was the only logical choice, where else could he go? Certainly not the lair...April's.

He failed April. His closest human friend...and he failed her. He utterly failed her like he had his family. She was once so strong...but seeing her falling apart as Leo buried Master Splinter...she was broken. They all were.

Shredder would be tracking her down soon no doubt. Hopefully his brothers could protect her...but the states they were in...he highly doubted it. They couldn't take care of themselves. They didn't have the willpower to...

He didn't either, but...but maybe he could redeem himself. Even just momentarily. He could watch them from a distance, keep the monster at bay, and protect them. Keep Shredder on their trail. He could keep them alive...but was it a good thing?

Making his way down, Don slunk in between the battered buildings. It looked like a war had happened...something large had attacked. And the Foot's new weapons...

Shredder was working with the Kraang. It was the only way he could take over the way he had. They were working together, they were allies. His worst enemies...allies...the Kraang had tried to get April before, but it would be a massacre this time. Nothing could stop them. Nothing but him.

Slowly he made his way back to April's. It was the only familiar thing he knew...like a moth to a flame. He took his time, watching the scavengers that started to appear. Wars within a war. Gangs being created to control territories that didn't matter. It was a bunch of garbage. Why didn't they just leave New York? Shredder could not have taken over the entire world, not yet.

The park came into view. Without hesitation, Don's feet seemed to carry him to where he had seen his blind brother...he was gone now, of course, but...but he could still feel him. His aura was here...all of his soul buried with Master Splinter.

The green staff that their father had used was cemented into the ground. It marked a burial, and no one dared disturb it. They would face someone's wrath for sure.

Dropping to his knees, Don ran his fingers through the soil. His father was buried here. His father's lifeless body...the last time he saw him alive...he had tried to kill him...

Tears dripped down his cheeks, and Don fought back a sob. He had to move on, he had to make sure his family was safe.

The flash of something red caught his eye. Raphael was slinking in the shadows behind him, making his way to April's as he predicted. In his arms was the limp body of Michelangelo...his arm gone.

Choking, Don could only watch as Raphael clutched Mikey. He made his way up with strength he did not have to April's window, slipping in.

Don moved quickly, listening. There was a slight shriek, and then some sobbing. April was crying. Tears of joy and sadness...

Climbing up the fire escape, Don peered in through the open window. April was holding Raphael as they cried together...Mikey lay on the couch...Leo holding his good hand. They were all there, all of them. Mikey's chest was rising, he was still breathing. He was still alive.

For the first time in ages, all five of them were around each other. Don saw Leo stiffen as he drew near the window, but his older brother did not say a word. He knew Don was watching them...though whether his intentions were good or bad, Leonardo could not guess. Don just stared at them, wishing he could be there. But he could not...he could not cause them more pain. No more pain...

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**A/N: I'm craving reviews...so could you please review on this? It excites me and I want to put out more chapters :D**


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